Boys will be boys

Things got interesting with the boys in the week after my birthday. Deux had really been putting in quite an effort. Texting daily, and even calling me just to chat. However, I was not sure how I felt about him, so I chose to never actually take these calls. I was put off by him--his red hair and goofiness and felt that something was not right. Not to mention the fact of getting involved again with one of Yahtzee's friends. I did not want to be that girl. I did agree to let him take me out to dinner when he extended the invitation though--just to really be sure. I already knew that these finance guys could get under your skin if you hung out with them long enough so I was cautious. We went to dinner at a decent Thai place near his apartment, of course. This was followed by drinks at the 13th Step, a less than favorable date spot. I was now officially a Tuesday night cheap date. Despite all this I, for reasons unbeknownst to me, did stay the night. And what a bad idea that was. Or maybe good, as it made me realize that my qualms were for a reason. Deux turned out to be extremely pushy, if you get my drift. I informed him multiple times that what he wanted would not be happening, yet he still kept trying, even waking me in the middle of the night when my guard was down. I was not pleased with his midnight rape attempt, and decided that there was no way we were going out again. Except I left my glasses case at his apartment, like an idiot. To be continued.....
Fast forward to the weekend. I had bought tickets to see MGMT perform at the museum where I work and invited Mason to come with me as my date. Of course it turned out to be one of the worst concerts I had ever seen. They played for abour 45 minutes, failing to play any songs we knew, or even any with lyrics. The PR for the event had been terrible; the fact that this was going to be an artsy set inspired by the new exhibit and not an actual concert had not been made clear. Mason and I weren't sure what to think afterwards. This and the fact that I was going through the worst PMS of my life exacerbated the situation (Mason didn't want to go out) and we actually got in a minor tiff. It was cleared up on the subway ride downtown and then things were fine again. But the fact that this happened so early on concerned me.
The next day I headed back to the museum to meet Russian Rocher to actually go see the new exhibit. This was followed by dessert at the Neue Galerie's cafe and seeing a movie in Union Square. After her friend met us and we headed to the Pourhouse for dinner. I was thinking that it was nice to be hanging out with girls for once and I filled them in on what happened with Deux. After my story, the friend mentioned that she has seen Deux with a lot of different girls, which disgusted me. No time for that though as we had to get our plans in order for the night. A guy I knew from Cuse had recently moved to NYC and was a club promoter. He was constantly texting me to go out to parties in Meatpacking but I had never been able to find a girl friend to go with. Until now. I was a bit intimidated by his texts stating that we needed to tall, skinny and in heels. Typical. We decided to give it a try anyway though and headed to another bar in the East Village before heading over there. To our surprise, Yahtzee came and met us out. Luckily nothing was said of Deux and I was relieved that maybe Yahtzee didn't even know what was going on. Two other Croatia boys joined us, one of whom I hadn't seen since originally meeting them. He was clearly not aware of things with Ibanker and I going sour, so of course asked if I had talked to him lately. I responded with a quick no. And I'm sure a dark cloud passed over my face when he then proceeded to ask if I had gone to the Hamptons with him. I said that I was supposed to go but didn't make and his response that the whole group seemed a little too into it honestly made my night. We separated from them a short time after and headed to RdV. Luckily we had no problems getting in though I thought there was nothing special about the club. They played some house music though and I drank for free so that's always a plus. We stayed for awhile and danced our faces off until deciding to head elsewhere. And on our way out who did we run into but Deux, flanked by two Asian girls. He apparently knows the promoter as well though I still don't know if he knew I was at the club. Yahtzee stopped to tell him we were heading out and I stood next to him silently, partially disgusted and partially amused. Deux said he and his harem were going to head in, and relieved that they wouldnt be coming with us, I enthusiastically nodded my head in agreement.
I was pleased that I apparently wouldn't have to have an awkward chat with Deux about not seeing each other anymore. But what to do about my glasses case? I texted him the next afternoon and said that I would be stopping by their apartment to pick it up and if he could leave it out. He responded simply with "k". When I arrived a few hours later the case was out on the coffee table. The light in his room was on but he did not come out. He mustve known I was there since I was chatting with Yahtzee. This guy was a first rate douche bag. Pleased that I had taken care of this pesky errand I headed down to the 9th Ward to meet up with High School and drown my sorrows in some Purple Haze. It had been awhile since I had seen him, and I knew that he was still with his girlfriend, who was now also living in New York (facebook is creepy). He had still never metioned her to me and he did not this time as well. He had a good time, as usual, and even went to Criff Dog afterwards (note he did not buy my hotdog nor did I have anything to do with his "hot dog").
To wrap up Deux. He sent me a text a few days later asking how my week was, which I ignored. He then over the next couple of weeks, sent me a Happy Thanksgiving text, an invitation to their NYE party, an inquiry of my plans one weekend night and finally an invitation to go Christmas shopping with him that day. Enough is enough. Apparently I was going to have the conversation with him. I laid it out on the table, and was honest--he was too pushy and I didn't want things to be awkward with Yahtzee. I said we could still hang out. He was cool about it of course, and I was pleased that I would still be able to hang out with that group without things being too weird. Though I will definitely be keeping an eye on my drink when he is around.

                                          Oh hey MGMT, you kind of blew

It's My Motherf*cking Birthday!

And I wasn't even going to celebrate it until I discovered that it was on a Saturday. I decided that I would keep it lowkey but I was pleased to learn that I would have guests in town to celebrate with me--AD and MM, for an Ultra reunion! Our plan for Friday night, before the bday festivities, was to see Paul Oakenfold at Pacha. Now Pacha was the club where I had had my phone stolen with Benny and I was not pleased about going back. But I had always wanted to see Oakenfold and I was going to be keeping an eagle eye on my phone this time. After work I swung by Charlie Kelly's to pick up MM--Charlie Kelly and AD would be meeting us at the club later as they had another early show to catch. I always warn people to pack lightly when they visit me but MM did not exactly heed my warning. And just our luck, the subway ride back to my apartment was one of the most crowded I have ever had. We stood in the middle of the car stumbling, because there were no handrails, with MM's two massive bags taking out everyone around us. By the time we made it back to my apartment MM was out of breath and felt like (I quote from her) "a biggest loser contestant". We rewarded ourselves with food from the neighborhood taco stand and some deeelish hot toddies. After we headed back to Pacha aka the worst club in New York where GF was meeting up with us. He had started his night early and was far more wasted than we initially realized. This became apparent when after buying a round of $15 shots for us (including the bartender), he started to bite me and MM (keep in mind they had just met). We weren't quite sure what to do with him but after a minor scuffle with some Guids he decided to head out. MM and I were on our own waiting for Charlie Kelly and AD to arrive. After about an hour we finally received a text from AD saying they had caught someone trying to steal her wallett and to make up for it the manager had given them access to VIP. After MM and I bitched enough, we were eventually allowed up as well. It was of course much better being away from the Guids and other disgusting characters that frequent Pacha. It also gave us the perfect vantage point to watch them. We spotted a midget and a guy who looked exactly like Kim Jeong Il (of course he would be at Pacha). It was even better when a few minutes later we spotted Kim trying to grind up on some lady. I was satisfied to be able to dance without sweaty people surrounding me and I was sipping on the weird drink concotion that was handed to me. Paul Oakenfold was underwhelming though and he was probably one of the ugliest men I have ever seen--he was short and tubby and had T-rex like arms. We had a close encounter when MM and I went to leave after the set. Oaks himself walked up into VIP and was sitting at a table directly in front of us, surrounded by people talking to him. I decided I might as well meet him since we were here and it was birthday and all. I stood quietly at the table waiting my turn when a surly looking man approached me and demanded to know who I was. I told him and he asked what I was doing. I rolled my eyes and said I was waiting for Paul, obviously. He then very politely yelled for me to get the fuck out. Surprised and annoyed, I decided I would be staying put and began to talk to the very nice (and cute) Russian boys who were also part of the group. They offered to introduce me to their friend Paul but I told them I was nervous about the scary yelling man. They said it would be fine and led me over to Paul. But before I could utter a word, the dick man came out of nowhere and waved me away. It turns out he was Paul's bodyguard and it is a good thing he was doing his job, since I was so threatening in my bright yellow tights. I was also one of the only girls there, besides MM who was nervously waiting for me in the background. So at that point I was completely fed up and decided I really didn't give a shit about meeting ugly old Paul Oakenfold nor getting harassed by his people. So to that man--thanks for being a complete dick to me on my birthday asshole! I had known I was going to regret ringing in my birthday at a place like Pacha and I was correct.
The next day I was of course hungover and almost puked in the bathroom of the chicken 'n waffle place (called Pies and Thighs) that we went to for brunch. I didn't feel much better after a nap but I needed to suck it up since this was the big night and Mairey was also driving all the way down from Syracuse. I also had a potential mess to distract me. I had drunkenly invited Deux on Halloween to my bday party, thinking that he wouldnt' show. To my surprise he enthusiastically agreed and had even confirmed earlier in the week. How could you turn down an invite like this:

WELL 25 was the last birthday I was going to acknowledge, but since the big 2-6 is on a Saturday what choice do I have but to celebrate??
 And you guys are going down with me. Let's all meet at Spitzer's (Rivington btw Essex and Ludlow) at around 10. We can get some drank...s and maybe even snag one of the picnic tables. Depending on how this goes we can stay there for a bit or migrate somewhere else in the LES. I'll see how I feel, it's my fucking birthday. I do know we will be ending the night at Mystique (Chrystie and Delancey) to dance our faces off to some house music, just how I like it.
 So put your party pants on and get ready to rage. Friends are welcome, provided they don't suck. The birthdays where I can act OOC are quickly dwindling so I plan to take full advantage--it's going to be a rowdy one, so get ready. You'll laugh, you'll cry, I'll probably yell at a stranger.
Boom.

The problem being, Mason was also going to be there. This is what I get for trying to balance two guys, although my main concern was Mason finding out about Deux, since I actually liked Mason. I could barely enjoy my bday dinner at Les Enfants Terribles, since I was so nervous about what was going to come. The group headed to Spitzer's and I had an assortment of characters present--of course Mairey, AD and MM, as well as GF, JM and her South African boyfriend, and Prom, Salma and Penelope with some of their friends. Luckily Mason wasn't present yet and good thing because Deux and Yahtzee had arrived, with a whole bunch of their ibanking friends in tow. I recognized a couple from Yahtzee's party over the summer but couldn't really differentiate them in their cloud of Vineyard Vines. I bounced back and forth between the groups but felt like I was in a daze. I was still hungover and it had taken me almost an hour to get down my first beer.I ruled out a trip to Mystiqrious, which was the next designated spot on the bday itinerary. There was no way I was capable of dancing, plus if Mason actually did show up that could further complicate things. No need to worry though, because after awhile spent at Spitzer's the group dissipated and every went their separate ways. I headed to the Back Room with AD, MM, Mairey and one of her friends from college she had invited along. He was super nice and bought us all a round of shots. Much better than Mason's behavior who finally stumbled there at 2AM, wasted. He didn't socialize with anyone except me and then tried to convince me to leave. A wonderful first impression for MM and Mairey, who immediately hated him. Luckily  I had a wonderful present, which put me in a much better mood. It was given to me by one of Salma and Penelope's friends--a Betty White paper mask, with her wearing kitten ears. The whole night the group of us had been running around with it taking pictures and cracking up. That was pretty much all I needed and the free pizza at the end of the night was also a huge plus.
The next morning the usual suspects (being myself, MM, Mairey, AD and Charlie Kelly) regrouped for brunch before AD and MM headed home. Of course the selection was made by Charlie Kelly and he chose (unknowingly of course) the restaurant where I had met Ibanker for our very first brunch, directly from a night spent with Cute Guy. Aka the infamous and classy puke in the sink night to ring in my second weekend in NYC. I chuckled at the memories and was glad I was in a much better state this time around. After the girls barely made their bus, Mairey and I headed out for a window-shopping afternoon which led us to Times Square, then down to Soho where we walked into the West Village, to meet her friends from college for dinner. They were super nice, but unfortunately I was so exhausted from the weekend that I could barely contribute to the conversation. I was also a bit preoccupied with Mason--he had acted so differently and the girls were telling me to write him off. I was ready to because I had a bad feeling. To my surprise while we were at the restaurant he called me. This was the second time we had ever talked on the phone and when I saw his name pop up I was convinced he was going to break things off. To my surprise, he actually apologized for being a jerk the night before. This was progress and I decided that I wasn't ready to give up on him yet.

Giftee, Gifter and Gift--Betty White mask. At least I'm not as old as her.

So a successful birthday weekend. 25 in NYC had its share of ups and downs but for the most part was fun and rowdy, just the way I like it. We will have to see what 26 in the City brings, since I am now older and wiser (?).....

Halloweeeeen

This was a weekend I had been looking forward to for months. I had planned out my costume wellll in advance (like...in January) and it was the SHIT. The idea wasn't too original--the white swan from the insane movie Black Swan, but the execution--phenomenal, thanks to my mother. She is the craftiest woman alive and this costume was show-stopping, if I don't say so myself.

It looked awesome when it was all complete except there was one bad point. Going to the bathroom took roughly an hour and a half. I discovered this before leaving my apartment when I had to:
1) remove tutu while trying not to stab myself with the pin
2) untie foil wrapped around my stomach (the piece of the mirror--yes I gave away the ending of the movie if you haven't seen it, deal)
3) remove leotard, while trying not to rip off feathers
4) sit basically naked and pee
5) pull up leotard while trying not to rip off feathers
6) retie foil and put tutu back on
This was not a good thing considering I usually go to the bathroom 5-6 times when I go out. I knew where I would be spending most of my time--the bathroom line. What else is new.
I headed into Williamsburg. Polish Princess had some people over to get ready and then we were heading to a party in the neighborhood. After waiting roughly an hour for them to get ready, we left the apartment after midnight--me as the white swan, one girl as a "jill in the box" and the rest all as Day of the Dead themed ladies (which apparently is a very popular costume in New York).
We walked to the party to find it was in an old warehouse. My first warehouse party in New York! I was excited until we walked in and discovered that we were pretty much the only ones in costumes. Apparently hipsters are too cool to even celebrate Halloween appropriately. I grabbed a drink and headed straight to the bathroom line. Once it was my turn I felt bad knowing that I was for once going to be that girl who took forever in the bathroom. I reassembled and decided to step out into the entryway to put my tutu back on and let whoever was next go ahead. Of course it was creeper of the century's turn, who asked me TWICE if I needed help while looking me up and down. Totally fine SIR. He then followed me back into the party and proceeded to stare at me from the corner where he stood alone. Luckily the girls formed a protective circle around me. We attracted lots of friends that night, since whenever we walked through the crowd, Jill in the Box hit everyone with her giant box. As if it wasn't hard enough to notice the only group of girls in ridiculous costumes. I talked to no one memorable, though I did get lots of compliments on my costume. You're goddamn right it's awesome. Other highlights of my bathroom trips included leaving behind my clutch and luckily having some nice soul run after me to give it back and doing free drugs with a random guy. Yes, this is my life. We then left, went to Zablowski's where I thought I was going to puke in the bathroom. On my subway ride home at 5AM I, in my haze, overheard some teenagers down the car saying "Look, no, she's the white swan, the good swan!". I wanted to turn and smile, but was pretty sure I couldn't even manage that. Once again, Williamsburg's charms takes their toll.
The next day I slept til mid-afternoon. When I rolled out of bed I discovered that the weather was indeed, complete shit, as had been predicted. I trucked out to get a sandwich and it was worse than it looked. Hail, mixed with snow, all being tossed about by a strong wind. Slush was everywhere and I was very worried about how my costume was going to hold up that night. After housing my sandwich I decided I would deal with it later and went back to bed for another few hours. I had planned this day to be a complete waste so I was not too disappointed in myself when I got up in time to start getting ready again. I was not excited about the idea of going to the bathroom with this costume on again, nor was I about the winter wonderland outside. I was pulled between two plans for the night. Party-hopping with GF or one party with Yahtzee and his friends. Unfortunately this party was in Murray Hill (where Cute Guy lives) but despite this I decided to go with them, for fear of messing up my costume. So I tied some plastic bags around my feet and off I went to Yahtzee's apartment in the East Village. I was fairly certain Ibanker would not be involved in the night and luckily I was correct. Yahtzee was delighted with my costume and I equally with his--an 80's basketball player, complete with wig and short shorts. His roommate was also there. I had never met him and he was dressed as a 70s cop. The three of us headed to the subway and I almost had my umbrella ripped out of my hands multiple times. Our first stop would be a pregame at one of the other Croatia guy's cousin's apartments. It was also literally right down the street from Cute Guy's apartment and I walked down the street almost giddy, knowing I was playing with fire. No sightings and we headed inside. I had met this cousin before--she was present at the first Croatia reunion way back when I first moved to NYC. She was very friendly as were her Russian friends and I was made to take multiple shots of free vodka. One of Yahtzee's friends, dressed as a Ferrero Rocher and her friend, a cat or something, joined and the six of us (me, Yahtzee, his roommate, other Croatia guy, Russian Rocher and her friend) headed down the block to the Murray Hill party. The small apartment was packed with people and there were Halloween decorations and candy everywhere. I took a handful and headed straight for the bathroom. It happened to be right in the middle of the party and the lock was faulty so everytime I went, I was terrified that I would be the naked white swan on the toilet. The group kept a good lookout for me though. I also made some friends throughout the night while in line, including with a guy who was dressed as an Angry Bird. Our friendship abruptly ended though when I admitted I thought he was a cardinal. I also was chatting with Russian Rocher and the roommate--another ibanker from Boston. We will call him Deux. Not that late into the night, the rest of the group decided to head out leaving me, Deux and other Croatia guy to fend for ourselves. We had grand plans to go to Webster Hall, which I thought was a good idea since Summer Boo was in town for the weekend and was there. Deux suggested we stop by their apartment on the way and take some shots. 2-3 tequila shots later I was planted on the couch and not moving. I fell asleep during Deux and Croatia guy's convo about business and woke up to discover Croatia guy leaving and Deux's other roommate coming home, accompanied by two mean girls. After one made a bitchy comment about my costume, I agreed to go with Deux into his room. I knew it was a bad decision, but I was tired and drunk and the weather was deplorable. And was the fact that this could be my underhanded way of getting back at Ibanker in my mind?--possibly. I was not about to let things get out of hand though, and informed Deux that if he tried to sleep with me I would punch him. I wasn't kidding around. Although the joke was on me when in the morning, in the light of day with his wig removed, I discovered that Deux was a redhead. Not a complete ginger luckily but it did have an auburn tint to it. Slightly horrified I decided that it was time to leave. I had received a text from Polish Princess saying she was having a brunch before flying out later that afternoon for Argentina. I wanted to try and make it since it was on my way home anyway. I turned down Deux's offer of a brunch and reluctantly changed back into my costume. I even more reluctantly crept into the living room (there was no avoiding it) on my way out where the bitchy girls from last night had slept and were now awake. I walked with my head held high out the front door and down the street towards the subway. Yes, it was my Halloween walk of shame and of course it was now a beautiful sunny day (meaning lots of people were out). I then headed straight to Williamsburg, partly because of time constraints but mostly because I thought it would be funny, where I showed up to brunch looking like the raggedy white swan. Turns out Polish Princess was more concerned with the fact that I had gone to a party in Murray Hill....
I took a day off to catch up on much needed sleep, shower and regain my dignity. I also sent a huge apology to Summer Boo, whom I had completely blown off the night before while he waited for me at Webster Hall. Oh my life. The next day I was recharged and ready for Halloween...actual Halloween. I met Penelope and Salma at a dive bar in the West Village, so we could drink $2 PBR's (unhhhheard of in NYC) before the parade. I was having Mason meet us there. He had been out of town for the weekend and while the boys are away the white swans will play apparently. I had felt guilty, but I have since learned to squelch those feelings. He was dressed in a cowboy hat, sunglasses, fake beard and carried a fake guitar. I have no idea what he supposed to be and I don't think he did either, but people seemed to love it. At the parade everyone wanted to keep taking pictures with him and my jealousy reached a peak when a Black Swan marched by, receiving all sorts of attention. Luckily the couple other White Swans we saw throughout the night were subpar--I "looked much more like a ballerina", as Mason's friend wisely put it. The insanity of the parade was out of control. We debated going to walk in it, but the thought of being stuck in it and having to go to the bathroom led me to veto that idea. We instead headed to go get food, where two girls Mason knew showed up and joined our group (Salma and Penelope had since left, replaced by a group of Mason's friends). They regaled us all with a story of their sighting--a young guy giving an old man a blow job right in the middle of the parade crowd. I almost threw up in my mouth. After, we tried to head to some of the bars near the parade route on Bleecker but it was too much so we headed down a sidestreet and wrapped up our night at the Dove. I went back with Mason that night but luckily was spared ANOTHER Halloween walk of shame the next morning when he loaned me some clothes. This did not prevent me from looking like a hot mess when I walked past Ibanker's work on the way to the subway. Once again playing with fire as a result of yet another crazy weekend in New York.

Cute Shit

The romance with Mason was continuing. I was pleased--I wasn't thinking as much about Ibanker and we had a good story together as well. I had fun with him and he actually went out and did things with me, rather than the dinner, bar, bedroom scenario I was used to with you know who. He even made me soup when I was sick, the week after "Blast from the Past" weekend. I looked like absolute shit, but decided I could blame it on being sick, even though I really just had a mild cold. I decided to play it up anyway, but I think my cover was blown when I inhaled pretty much all of the soup. After we decided to walk to the store to see if we could find a pumpkin. After Deadmau5 weekend we had decided we were going to carve a pumpkin to look like Deadmau5 and I was pretty pumped for it. We selected a fairly large, very shiny pumpkin and started to walk back to his apartment. But it started to pour and we were getting soaked. He mentioned that one of his favorite bars, Valhalla, was right around the corner and we could pop in for a drink. I hesitated, since I was wearing glasses and no make up, leggings, rainboots and a giant man's shirt that he had loaned me. But I ultimately agreed so we trucked into the bar, soaking wet and carrying a huge pumpkin. We set it down at the table and christened him Joel Zimmerman (Deadmau5's real name, for those of you behind the times). We stayed out too late to carve him that night.
Our next outing was a day trip. Mason had talked about wanting to get out of the city to enjoy a seasonal fall day (mother fucker) so we decided that Dia Beacon would be the easiest trip. It was a large art museum about an hour and a half upstate (what what) and was easy to get there by train. I met him late Friday night at his friends' apartment in Flatiron and then headed back with him to his apartment so we could go to bed early. In the morning we walked over to the Times Square shuttle and I picked up the pace significantly when we walked directly in front of Ibanker's office. I knew he was probably in there and I didn't want a run in. The train ride was relatively peaceful and I took in the scenery in between napping. When we arrived the museum was just a short walk away. We followed a group of people in and I pointed out a stupid hipster wearing a spiderman backpack that a first grader would wear. He was holding a girl's hand and I also commented on what she must be thinking to date him. And just my luck, a couple minutes later she came up to me--I immediately recognized her as an intern from my museum. There was no way she could have heard me, but I was still morified and Mason was having a hard time trying not to laugh. When we were finally out of that awkward situation we walked around the museum. The space was really cool but unfortunately it was very Minimalist, which I know is not everyone's jam, including Mason's. I think the highlight of his trip was laughing over the name "Blinky Palermo".
After the museum we decided to walk through the town in search of food. I think we were both expecting a cool, artsy type town with a lot to do and see. Wrong. The big event of the day was a car show, so the streets were packed with gross loud cars and salt of the earth type people. It was pretty jarring considering where we had just come from and it seemed like there was no escape. Finally we found a Greek diner and went inside to feed our faces. Mason had wanted to go for a little hike and told me to bring appropriate shoes. But since I am so outdoorsy my idea of hiking footwear was a flimsy pair of sneakers, closely resembly Toms. Luckily by this time most of the afternoon had passed and we weren't able to go for that hike. Too bad. On the walk back to the train station we sat by the river for a minute and I was aware that this was a pretty "magic moment" as my friend Lulu would say.
The ride back to the City was much rowdier than before and our car was packed with a loud group of German tourists, a crying baby and someone who kept farting. We distracted ourselves with youtube videos on his ipad. The City was just as chaotic upon our arrival but I think we were both relieved to be back. After a quick nap at his apartment and a game of beer pong with the friends from the night before, I headed out. It was Saturday night and I was meeting GF at a bar in Soho for Polish Princess' bday celebration. She was back in NYC from Syracuse and was going to be heading to South America for a tour very soon. The bar was packed with hipsters and GF and I sat chatting each wearing an animal mask that were the party favors. We grew bored quickly and decided to meet up with his new friend. They were at a bar in the West Village, and I was nervous to discover it was on Ibanker's street, though a few blocks down. I obviously did not see him and I knew that I wouldn't but I was pissed off that he was still creeping around in the back of my mind. GF's friends were hilarious and I was disappointed when they split up and GF decided to head home. To my surprise, I had a text from Mason asking if I was still out. I decided to splurge on a cab and headed back to Soho--he was at a bar not far from the party. I went in, drunkenly looked around, couldn't find him and texted him to tell him I was leaving. I then headed out to meet back up with PP. On the way he called me and apologized for not seeing me. I said maybe we would meet up later and I walked with PP over to her friend's apartment--the Soho Penthouse apartment where we had gone to the beautiful people party over the summer (the Lace night). The apartment was still as ridiculous as ever and I texted Mason to meet me. When he arrived he headed out to the wraparound balcony. There was some construction taking place and the view was not very good, so we climbed up the ladder (very precarious in my platform booties) to the scaffolding where we sat for almost an hour drinking, chatting and taking in the view of the Financial District. It looked very suspicious when we came back inside and I played it up by telling PP we had just had sex (not true at all). We left, grabbed some empanadas and headed back to Mason's.
And shit got even cuter when a couple days later, Mason came all the way out to the Shwick so we could carve Joel Zimmerman. He looked hilarious walking down my street in a suit, wearing a backpack and carrying a massive orange pumpkin. We drank some hot toddies and transformed Joel into Deadmau5. After setting him on the fire escape, we headed to the hipster bar down the street. On the way I lured over a giant stray cat so I could pet it. It was tentatively trusting and let me until my purse swung around and hit it in the face. Once I had recovered from laughing we drank some beer and recounted our days at Mason. It was a delightful time, and had been a delightful few weeks. Things seemed almost too good to be true....

                                                                 Before: Joel Zimmerman

                                        After: Deadmau5...or Donkey Kong...whateves we tried

Blast from the Past

After the Deadmau5 weekend, things with Mason and I began to pick up. Nothing like fake tickets and drugs to solidify a relationship. We had another date that week and had our first kiss outside of the 3rd ave subway stop. A couple nights later I met up with him and some of his friends at the Empire Hotel rooftop (where I had gone for the 4th of July), with GF. This was not part of our plan for the night, but things had taken an unexpected turn. GF and I had gone to see my fav Danish dj, Trentemoller, early in the night at Webster Hall. He wasn't quite as good as he had been when I saw him at Ultra and in Germany but it was still a good show to be at, especially since the people-watching was an interesting mix of Europeans and hipsters. After GF and I had finished chuckling at the giant Nordic viking queen standing in front of us, we decided that we could probably stay for the second show of that night. We were already in, so why should we have to pay again, as long as we didn't leave.We headed to the bar in between sets and no one kicked us out. We began chatting with the bartender and when it got to be close to the starting time of the next dj, GF decided he was going to run out and have a cigarette. I knew this was a bad idea, but he promised he would be sneaky and before I could stop him he turned to leave. Well, what a surprise, the bouncers refused to let GF back in and sent him to the back of the very long line. I was annoyed but kept chatting with the bartender. Two free vodka crans, one free shot and one phone number later, I finally emerged when it was established that GF was definitely not getting back in. In my state, I had even considered staying alone but luckily a text from Mason convinced me otherwise. And this is how we ended up at the Empire. Upon our entrance I very enthusiastically began to make out with Mason in front of most of his friends. And I was not the only one in that mindset--a bit later Mason and I discovered GF in a corner making out with...a girl. Things were getting weird and it was time to leave. Mason and I grabbed some late night pizza and headed back to his place. In the morning, he made me a glorious breakfast of bacon, eggs and fried potatoes. He said he had the day free so we lounged around and finally decided to take a walk in Central Park. I was a bit embarrassed since I was still sporting the fish nets I had worn the night before and I definitely didn't look like I should be taking a leisurely afternoon walk amongst  families. At one point we sat on a bench and I read aloud a very seasonal article entitled "It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers" (see it here: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/its-decorative-gourd-season-motherfuckers) Very romantic.
We eventually made our way to Shake Shack (the second time in one week for us) and fed our faces. I then put our day date to an end as I had to get home and get ready (aka change out of my fishnets) for my night out. I was meeting Penelope and Salma at their cousin's birthday party at a bar in Hell's Kitchen. She was a true Long Island Princess and had invited 100 of her Long Island friends. I couldn't wait to scope out the people watching, as that lifestyle is completely foreign to me. When the cousin arrived, she screamed and danced over to us, her large boobs all over the place. It was just as good as I could have imagined. She then had her very skinny, very tan friend join us so they could recount, in their thick accents, their train ride into in Penn Station for us. Apparently the cousin was very drunk and had yelled to the friend "I like your pink vagina!". The cousin burst out laughing and informed us "I meant to say undawear, I like your pink undawear!!". I was dying and wanted to hear more but she bounced quickly away to attend to her other guests. That left the three of us, Salma's boyfriend, and their mutual friend to take in the whole scene from our table. This grew increasingly amusing as we consumed more of the very strong drinks. It was an open bar and I was too poor to pay for it, but everyone was able to sneak me drinks without a problem, so drink away we did. Salma had at the beginning of the night said she had invited one of the curators from our museum to join the party and she was surprised, and a bit worried, when he actually agreed. Awhile later, completely forgetting this detail, I noticed a skinny, nerdy looking man amongst the Long Island party-goers. And like an idiot, I yelled to Salma, "Hey, did that fucking guy get lost!". She looked at me wide-eyed, and then waved him over. I realized what I had done and began to uncontrollably laugh but luckily regained my composure before he made it over to us.
The night continued in much the same way (good laughs, strong drinks= a recipe for success). I then decided to part ways and clomped back over to Mason's apartment in my platform booties. It was looking like I had a new chapter on my hands....

Deadmau5 Weekend Part 2

After our epic Deadmau5 night out, Same Name Friend, Mason and I weren't able to function until early the next afternoon. We sat around and recapped the night and then finally Same Name Friend and I headed out. We were meeting AD, Charlie Kelly and Bawseton. As we stumbled out into the mid-afternoon sun, we were very aware that we stood out in our bright neon clothing, even in New York City. We sheepishly made our way to the subway and to the restaurant where they were having brunch.They apparently were unaware that this particular place had a drag queen brunch on Sunday mornings. With some of the best people watching in New York, we sat around and did some more recapping. Apparently after they left Yaffa and Charlie Kelly and AD went to bed, Bawseton couldn't sleep. This is clearly because he had taken 3 mawli pills throughout the course of the night. He then decided to walk 40 blocks up to Central Park and then back again before finally stumbling back into the apartment and passing out (like a bawse). The girls and I were starving (the boys had finished eating by the time we arrived) so we headed up to the Chiptole in Union Square. This happens to be directly across the street from Ibanker's old apartment and I felt slightly creepy basically sitting right outside. I had a full view of the floor to ceiling window in his room, a place where I had spent many nights. Luckily I had a delicious burrito bowl and good company to distract me. The boys had said they'd catch up to us, but they were taking much too long. The reason being, we later found out, was they had been distracted following a guy who was carrying a huge boombox blasting Nas down the street. We decided to head back to Brooklyn so that Same Name Friend and I could finally change out of our neon.
We had another night out ahead of us, but Same Name Friend wouldn't be joining. She was going to be meeting up with her mystery cop in Murray Hill. So AD and I trucked back in and met the boys at Flatiron Lounge. The entrance is a large tunnel with wooden floors. AD and I were both wearing heels and when we clomped in, it sounded like a caravan of horses had arrived at the bar. We sat and ordered fancy drinks and I tried to ignore the fact that this seemed like a double-date. Luckily Bawseton was very interesting and socialable and we were able to chat fairly comfortably. Charlie Kelly had befriended the bartender who gave us a free shot of fancy whiskey as a departing gift. The boys were set on going to Sidebar, which is where they had spent the evening once we bailed for Brooklyn. They had basically been drinking for 36 hours straight at this point, so it was probably a good thing that Sidebar was closed. So where did this lead us--Webster Hall, once again. The cover was a bit more reasonable this time, but I would've paid the money to not go. It was in the basement with horrible, amateur dubstep blasting and a bunch of gross people dancing on a stage. There was a guy screaming into a microphone, yelling things about buttholes. This is not a lie. There was also someone waving around a big black dildo, which I was convinced was a rubber snake, until AD informed me otherwise. The only good thing about this place was the cheap beer, so I drank a bunch to be able to deal. I also felt terrible for inviting Yahtzee--he had sent me a text earlier in the day asking what I was doing and I made the mistake of inviting him to that hellhole. When he showed up, I was a few beers deep. I blame this on the fact that I spilled basically everything about the Ibanker fiasco to him. He played it safe and said pretty generic stuff. I was a little annoyed that he didn't give me anything to work with, but he probably knew less about Ibanker's ways than I did, to be honest. Lucky for me, he didn't judge and accompanied us to the next bar--Solas. A repeat of the night before. We once again closed out the bar, and this is where Yahtzee left us, probably annoyed that the boys were so drunk. They somehow convinced me to go back to Charlie Kelly's apartment with them. In the cab on the way over, Charlie Kelly decided to inform the cab driver that he should turn the wrong way down a one-way street because "it is fine at this time of night". The cab driver retorted back that "it was illegal no matter what the time", with the three of us cracking up in the backseat.
I hung around with them til 5AM, which was when my subway line was scheduled to start running again. Here's where things escalated. Now Bawseton had been sharing Charlie Kelly's studio apartment with both him and AD for the weekend. Needless to say, this must have been kind of an awkward situation. So as I went to make my exit, Bawseton quickly asked me if he could stay on my couch in Brooklyn. Surprised, I agreed and before I knew what was happening we were walking down the street towards the subway. And apparently as we made our exit Charlie Kelly told AD that it was "so bawse, such a bawse move" on the part of Bawseton. Once back in the Shwick, we both ended up sleeping in my bed, but Bawseton was surprisingly gentlemanly and did not make a move. Though I did sleep in the same bed with two different guys two nights in a row, I convinced myself that I was ok since nothing even remotely sexual happened with either of them. In the morning (ok afternoon) Bawseton and I went through pics on his phone of Charlie Kelly's stepdad's boat which they apparently sail back and forth between Nantucket and Monte Carlo (and is obviously, pretty fucking bawse). He also told me a story about when he punctured his lung skiing in Colorado. Not long after storytime, he headed back to Flatiron and I waited for Same Name Friend to return from her night out so I could escort her back to the bus. She was pretty late because she had had to yell at the cab driver who tried to take her to Chinatown instead of Brooklyn. Completely different buroughs, buddy.
I accompanied the girls on the walk to the bus and then met up again with Bawseton. He was supposed to leave that afternoon as well but all the buses back to Boston were sold out. Looks like he was stranded in New York and stuck hanging out with me, since Charlie Kelly had to work. He had a bus booked for later that evening but he decided to not show as our afternoon bar tour went into the evening. I eventually had to go meet JM by NYU for her bday dinner. I was planning on meeting back up with Bawseton later at (of course) Sidebar, but he got back to me too late and that was the end of our hour 18 romance. He did send me a couple texts later that week saying:
1) "You are always welcome to come to Boston....because guess what? It is BAWSE"
And the second, for his second show of the week:
2) "Guess who is on their way to Deadmau5 right now....like a BAWSE"
Hopefully he only took one pill that time.

Deadmau5 Weekend Part 1

My trip to Cuse the weekend before had given me a time to relax before the shitstorm of Columbus Day weekend (remember the rule about 3 day weekends). This storm was carrying two out of town guests--AD and Same Name Friend. Deadmau5 was playing in the city that weekend and they had somehow convinced me to pay a ridiculous amount of money for a ticket to see him, even though we had for free roughly a month before. I was a bit suspicious that this plan had come about due to Charlie Kelly--he lives in NYC as well and he and AD had been talking quite a bit since their rendezvous at Freefest. We actually headed straight to his place in Flatiron once I retrieved the girls from the bus. The four of us hung out for a bit until we headed to some dive bar near Union Square. Of course because we were in the neighborhood, we passed by many of the places Ibanker had gone to together--stops on what I like to call my Date Tour of New York. Once at the bar AD and Charlie Kelly fell deep into conversation, so Same Name Friend and I sat bitching about guys. We were both lamenting the fact that it is basically impossible to seperate your emotions from your reasoning. For example, I knew that Ibanker was not right for me and that we would have never worked. But it was still proving difficult to get over it, since I liked him. On a more positive note, Same Name Friend was slightly excited about a DC cop had met online, who coincidentally happened to be in New York that weekend as well. She was toying with the idea of meeting up with him.We also bonded when two of Charlie Kelly's friends came running into the bar to purchase some "favors" from him. They were exceptionally tooly and Same Name Friend and I both exclaimed "oh good lord" at the same moment. Not long after this we decided to head back to Brooklyn, which started my weekend pattern of screaming at cab drivers. They claimed they knew where to take us and then as soon as the crossed the bridge they had no idea and started to demand directions from me. I have no effing idea, as I don't drive in New York, hence why I was taking a cab. At one point the driver was so upset that he pulled over, in a very shady neighborhood not far from mine, and demanded we get out. I told him absolutely not and he better turn off the meter until he figured out where he was going. We eventually made it back in one piece---a fabulous introduction to "East Williamsburg" for Same Name Friend.
And she was really able to see the hood in all its glory the next morning when we headed down the block to the natural grocery store to get some breakfast sandwiches. The weather was exceptionally nice out so we sat outside and hipster-watched. After, we got ourselves together and geared ourselves up for the trek into the city to meet AD and Charlie Kelly. My subway line was obnoxiously not running again that weekend so we were forced to take a bus to another line that was working. The bumpy ride made my hangover even worse and it was a relief when we emerged into fresh air in Meatpacking roughly an hour later. We wanted to take advantage of the nice weather before meeting them at the Standard Beer Garden, and I wanted to put off drinking as long as possible, so we took our time walking the Highline (a former railroad line that has been turned into an outdoor space and walkway along the Hudson--one of my fav places in New York). We frolicked in the fountains until finally reaching the end and heading to the Standard Bier Garden. Once we made it through the line we headed into the crowd and found the two of them, plus Charlie Kelly's friend who was in town from Boston and also staying with him for the weekend. He was short, cute and hilarious, especially when interacting with Charlie Kelly. Their chosen word of the weekend was "boss", but pronounced "bawse". Everything was either bawse, like a bawse, or pretty fucking bawse. That being said, we will name the friend Bawseton. We sat with our beer steins chatting, and the girls and I devoured a giant pretzel that was offered to us by a stranger. Some more of Charlie Kelly's friends joined us, another likeable couple, and we rewalked the Higline into Chelsea to grab some dinner. Deadmau5 time was quickly approaching and we needed to have our games faces on. On the walk back to Flatiron, we passed by either Kevin Bacon or Ethan Hawke eating dinner outside with his family. Once at Charlie Kelly's the likeable couple left us and the rest of us donned our neon and glowsticks in preparation. I was especially excited about a giant neon star wand I was bringing. We then headed up to Midtown West, for a pregame at Mason's apartment.....
Backstory: Mason and I had finally gotten together the previous Thursday night. We had our date in the MoMA sculpture garden, where we had sat chatting with our drinks. We then headed to another outdoor bar in the neighborhood where I insisted he order a terrible German beer they had on tap, which I hadn't seen since my time in Germany. We had hit it off surprisingly well, especially considering we hadn't really had a conversation since our English class 6 years prior. When I told him about Deadmau5 that weekend, he seemed excited, especially since the venue was literally right next door to his apartment. He asked if he could join us and invited us all over to his place before....
Once there we played some beer pong and took some shots, among other things, before heading over. The girls and I had had Charlie Kelly buy our tickets for us off of Craigslist. He had mentioned that when he purchased them the situation seemed a little shady. And shady it was--I was the last to get through security (they took my wand away!) and when I finally met up with the rest of them, Same Name Friend was yelling that our tickets were fake. I was horrified. We all regrouped and decided that our only option was to try the tickets from the scalper outside, no matter how shady. I only had a bit of cash with me so Mason ended up covering the cost of most of my ticket and I felt so bad. I'm sure he regretted his decision to join us. Luckily, these were real and it ended up being the best Deadmau5 show I have seen. The lights were amazing, although they probably contributed to my paranoia (that and the mix of assorted substances in my system). We all had a good time and danced our faces off. Same Name Friend was dancing with one of Charlie Kelly's other friends, dance being the close enough word. He was wasted and wearing a viking hat. He kept swaying back and forth violently and dragging her along with him. I don't know how she didn't get sick. She informed us afterwards that one point he started squeezing her boobs to the beat and that is when she had had enough.
After the show, when we were able to get ourselves together and regroup, we decided on our next move. Charlie Kelly was very adamant about Webster Hall so we took cabs there. Except upon our arrival, the cover was $40. Charlie Kelly didn't mind this, so he, AD and Bawseton headed on in. The rest of us are on a budget so Same Name Friend, Mason and I headed over to Solas, a bar nearby. The three of us sat at the bar and probably all felt sufficiently awkward. Same Name Friend began to chat with the bartender at the same time I realized I was still decked out in multiple glowstick bracelets. We stayed until well past last call and within that time Same Name Friend had somehow coordinated with her mystery cop who was in town. Mason decided we should all head to Yaffa Cafe and that he could meet us there. Yaffa is an all-night diner with the most insane decor. And I had actually been there before way back in January, on the awkward double-date with Hipster and his friend whom I had hooked up with in high school. So we all gathered there at roughly 6AM. The three of us trucked over from Solas and immediately ordered breakfast food. Then Mystery Cop and his friend (a cop in the Bronx, need I say more) joined us. Luckily it wasn't too awkward since he and Same Name Friend hit it off immediately. Then eventually AD, Charlie Kelly and Bawseton wandered in, all three looking like death. Our randomly pieced together table and another of trannys who had just gotten off work (one was in a sparkly hoodie) were the only tables in the restaurant. Despite this it seemed like we were there forever. The groups slowly trickled out and headed back to our respective places. Because it was so late/early, I hesitantly accepted Mason's invite for the two of us to stay at his place. Same Name Friend had his roommate's room all to herself, but she later told me that she couldn't sleep at all because she was too afraid he would come home to find a random black girl in his bed. My initial qualms about staying over proved to be in vain, as Mason respectfully did not try to make a move. So after one of my longest nights ever in New York, we finally fell asleep, well after it was light out.