Date Tour of New York City

So I've been in New York exactly a year, and WHAT a year it has been. I've been on more dates than I've ever been on in my life, some good, some bad...mostly bad. When friends come to visit me in New York I find myself pointing out places where I've been with some of these gems. I jokingly nicknamed it my "Date Tour of New York" but this seems like the perfect time to document it. Now I obviously can't remember all the places I've gone with these assholes throughout 2011, nor were all of them that memorable. But I've selected most of the good ones and put them together in a list which starts in Brooklyn and circles around different neighborhoods in Manhattan. There are many stops and I've included the main jist from each one. Let's retrace my steps, shall we?
(Please Note: This tour should take roughly 2-18 hours. Statue of Liberty foam hat must be worn and bev of choice must be in hand at all times).

Stop 1: The Shwick
My Apartment: Mason, Benny and Bawseton have all spent time here--some innocent, some not...

Pearl's Social and Billy Club: hipster bar where Mason and I went after carving Joel Zimmerman the pumpkin

Stop 2: Williamsburg
Union Pool: location of ridiculous band (the Half Faggots) which Mason and I somehow ended up seeing and getting stared down by hipsters, also where I drunkenly accompanied the One Handed Stalker after Santacon

Brooklyn Bowl/The Cove: bars visited with Cute Guy on the infamous night when I met him...I later puked in his kitchen sink

Stop 3: Union Square Area
Coffee Shop, 15th st and 5th ave: trendy brunch place where I met Ibanker, after coming directly from Cute Guy's, where I had puked in the kitchen sink then hooked up with him

Ibanker's apartment: floor to ceiling windows, room always a mess. Spent many nights and hungover mornings

Lillie's, 17th st and 5th ave: bar where I had at least 3 outings with Ibanker, usually before heading back to his place

Raine's Law Room, 17th st and 5th ave: speakeasy, double date with Ibanker, his crazed manchild roommate and his date. Ibanker had had waaay too much to drink that night

Stop 4: Flatiron
Flatiron Lounge, 19th st and 5th ave: bar with fancy drinks, double date with Baweston, Charlie Kelly and AD, free whiskey shots

Hill Country, 26th st and 6th ave: group outing with Ibanker and co. Drinking all day and mediocre bbq quickly made me sick

Stop 5: Gramercy
Inoteca, 24th st and 3rd ave: wine bar, awkward date with Lace, he was rude to the waiter

Madison Square Park, Shake Shack: Mason and I got food here, Godddd we were so fucking cute

Stop 6: Murray Hill

Cute Guy's apartment: don't throw up!

Le Parisien, 33rd and Lex: cute French place where Cute Guy and I enjoyed a morning after brunch

Stop 7: Midtown

Heartland Brewery, Empire State Building: chain restaurant on the bottom floor, Cute Guy and my last ever outing before the shit hit the fan

MoMA, 43rd st and 5th ave: Mason and I sat in the sculpture garden on our first date

Stop 8: Upper East Side
the Gugg, 89th st and 5th ave: brought Ibanker here as my date to an exhibit opening--he was on his Blackberry the entire time. Also took Mason as my date to the crappy MGMT show

Stop 9: Spanish Harlem, Mason's new apartment

Stop 10: Central Park, scene of makeout session with Tooly

Stop 11: Hell's Kitchen
Mason's old apartment: Who wants to play beer pong??

Valhalla, 53rd st and 9th ave: dranks with Mason after we purchased Joel Zimmerman the pumpkin and got caught in the rain

Empanada Mama, 51st st and 9th ave: late night food with Mason, also sight of our awkward date

Pacha, 46th st and 11th ave: worst club in New York, Fatboy Slim show with Benny, RIP phone

Stop 12: Times Square

Point Break, 45th st and 5th ave: where I met Ibanker for St. Patrick's Day--he wore a green tie, I wore green underwear

Unidentified Empy Warehouse: white t-shirt party with Ibanker. I almost lost my coat (and my dignity)

Stop 13: Meatpacking
Buddakan, 15th st and 9th ave: trendy asian fusion restaurant where Ibanker took me on our first date in nyc. also featured in the Sex and the City movie--Carrie and Big's rehearsel dinner

1 Oak, 17th st and 9th ave: fancy club where we were VIP. I chatted with the Eagle the whole night then made out with the hot Irish coworker

Stop 14: the West Village
Hudson Clearwater, Hudson and Barrow st: double date with Ibanker and his college friends. I gave my number to a guy before entering.

Ibanker's apartment: 2 bedrooms, just for him, in one of the most expensive neighborhoods in the city. Located across the street from where the outside of Carrie Bradshaw's brownstone was filmed in Sex and the City (no sex here!)

Wilfie & Nell, West 4th st and 7th ave: Ibanker's new neighborhood bar, which I have since avoided

Automatic Slims, Washington and Bank: couple of trips with Ibanker, filled with people exactly like him

Stop 15: Greenwich Village
Back Fence, Sullivan and Bleecker st: went to with Ibanker and a bunch of ibanking coworkers. Hay on the floor and guy singing cover songs. They loved it, I did not and showed it

Stop 16: Soho/Nolita
Penthouse party, Lafayette st: invited Mason over for Polish Princess' bday. We cuddled on the scaffolding outside, with a view of the city. Also chatted with Lace in the room filled with computers.

The Room, Sullivan and Prince st: wine bar where I had a drunken "date" with Coffee. Told him I didn't know "how I got so classy". Also date with Mason

Fiat, Mott and Spring st: tiny Italian place where Mason and I had dinner before the Room. We went motherfucking Dutch, as usual

Spring Lounge, Spring and Mulberry st: Ibanker's other favorite bar. Met him here multiple times, one of which John Mayer was also there

Dos Caminos, Broadway and Grand: unknowingly went on a date with the Guid. Wasn't bad til he kissed me

New Museum, Prince and Bowery: Mason and I went down a giant slide

Stop 17: the East Village
Indian place: Cute Guy and I enjoyed din here one night

Thai place/13th Step: Tuesday night cheap date, courtesy of Deux

Deux and Yahtzee's apartment: mistakenly spent the night and had to fight off Deux the Attacker

PDT, St Marks and Ave A: speakeasy through the telephone booth in the hot dog stand. Coffee took me on a "date"--I ate my weight in gourmet tater tots.

Penny Farthing, 12th st and 3rd ave: Mason and I went here before our first kiss. At the time, things seemed to be looking up with us....

So there you have it. My most memorable dates of 2011. Not bad for my first year in New York.