Making Amends

Judging from my past experiences I havn't had the best luck dating in New York. But I was starting to realize that I was getting to be a bit bitter about the wrongs which had been done to me. I was hauling around negative energy, which was apparent from my vengeful dreams and jaded comments I would make when drunk (aaand sober). It was just too much work to be angry at these assholes. So I had decided to be the bigger person. I was going to start small and test the waters. First target--Mason. We hadn't spoken since our text exchange ("I just can't give you what you deserve", vomit) about a month before. I had unfriended him on facebook, while also drunkenly and accidentally setting his name as my status in the process. So I had no idea what he was up to, but he and GF worked together, so there was a small possibility of running into him. And who knew how I would act unless things were smoothed over. So I sent him this email:


So I just wanted to say that I feel a bit badly about the way things ended with us. I honestly just didn't want to deal with the whole situation and figured there was no point in talking about it. I guess we both could've done some things differently. We were close at one point and I definitely look back fondly at our time together. I don't want you to think I hate you or something, nor do I want you to think poorly of me. I realize that you are going through a lot and I appreciate the fact that you shared some of it with me. I hope that you at least had fun with me. So if we ever see each other out, we don't have to be afraid of saying hi. Hope all is well!


I was pretty pleased with myself for that humanitarian act. After a few days of waiting, where I once again convinced myself he was actually an asshole, I finally received this response:


Thanks so much for this email. Leaving off the way we did just didn't sit right and I've been unsure what to do about it. I very much hope to stay on good terms with you. The times I spent with you were overwhelmingly good--thanks for your part. Now hearing you say that, I hope we do see each other out!


A decent response. So I refriended him on facebook and took that as a sign to move on to the bigger task at hand--Ibanker. We had had minimal contact since things had ended; the last time I had heard from him was about a month after the last time I had seen him It was a polite response to an email I had sent, with a new Martin Solveig video and the line "this obv doesn't mean we are bffs". I had regretted the email and had been upset about the whole situation for quite awhile. Even when things had been going well with Mason, I always compared things with Ibanker. And almost everywhere I went in New York reminded me of him. I had been terrified to go to the West Village (where he lives) for months. And now there was really no escaping it, since I was working three blocks from his office. I would walk quickly by twice a day on the way to the subway, with my head down. I always told myself to stay calm if I did run into him, but I of course didn't heed my own advice. One day I thought I actually did see him and literally ran in front of a cab to escape. When I dared look back, the guy only slightly resembled him, so my brush with death had been for nothing. 
Why all the fuss over this tool? Partly timing and partly his actions. We met at a vulnerable time for me. The night with him in Croatia was the last fun night before a series of horrible events. During my last two weeks in Europe, I had had a traumatizing experience with an Australian guy and also had my heart stomped on by a deceitful Swiss. Not to mention I was leaving behind the life I had known for six months, to finish grad school in Syracuse, NY. But Ibanker was there for me during this time, in which I was pretty upset. We emailed then texted and met up a couple times in New York. Then when I actually moved here for my internships he was there. I didn't know many people besides him and it could be lonely. And he was fun--he lavished me with praise and took me out for wild nights. He had a lifestyle and background with which I was unfamiliar. He was charming, successful and unlike anyone I had ever dated. Throughout our whole affair, he would always swoop back in at the last minute to get me caught up again, even when I had given up on him.
I missed this, and of course him. I wondered who he was seeing and constantly poured through his friends' facebook pictures looking for clues. I had gone through all the albums I could find of his Hamptons house, to which I had been "invited' but not really. So I was basically acting like a complete fucking pyscho and I was sick of it. The madness needed to stop. I took it as a sign when the Croatia guy mentioned a reunion before he moved away. This could not happen without first making amends.
I finally sent a similarly worded email to him. An hour later I received a response from him along the same lines as Mason's except for one thing--it contained a question. Rhetorical or an invitation for discussion. I of course took it as the latter, as I had come this far. This has resulted in a series of very short, yet friendly, emails back and forth, which is still ongoing. Obviously nothing will come of this except for me maybe being mildly pissed off when he inevitably stops responding. But I feel that a weight has been lifted. I can now walk, not scuttle, by his office and I've stopped imaging the scenario for running into him at every place I go. New York is no longer the city of the Ibanker, or any other asshole equivalent. It is finally now my own.

Party Hard, Party Harder

New York City is not the place to be if you want to act your age. My lifestyle makes this very clear, since on the weekends I party like a college kid, instead of acting like the 26 year old that I am. And this particular weekend was the culmination of a long year of partying. I've realized I'm starting to lose steam....
The weekend started off relatively calm. Russian Rocher's bday celebration was scheduled for Friday night so after another work happy hour I met her at her apartment. We walked over to Veselka on the Bowery together where the group dinner was going to be held. I was pumped for some Eastern European food and pigged out on some borscht and snitzel. There were about 20 people at this dinner, all of varied and interesting backgrounds. I don't think I even know 20 people in New York, but that's classic Russian Rocher. I chatted with the friend from Santa Con, who Yahtzee is interested in. He showed up towards the end of dinner because he had overslept his nap.
After the din, we all headed to a rooftop bar nearby in the Lower East Side. GF showed up momentarily, wasted, but left soon afterwards. Another surprise appearance was made by one of the other Croatia guys, who had also been present on Halloween. I hadn't seen him since so we chatted for a bit. Somehow we got on the topic of guys who like Asian girls and I confessed my theory that these guys are usually weirdos--I think it's creepy since a lot of times Asian girls are shaped like children. His argument was that I am also skinny, to which I had no response. He also mentioned that he would be moving to Chicago in the next couple of months and would probably have a going away party, which immediately put me on alert. Just who would be present at this going away party......??
Unfortunately I did not have as much fun at this party as I would've liked since it was absolutely packed, even though we had a table. It seemed like the entire junior class at NYU was present and every girl looked exactly alike--long dark straight hair with a chain purse. The whole scene was pissing me off but I made a half-hearted attempt to dance with everyone downstairs. Yahtzee and the friend were buddying up and I was pleased. Later when she said she was leaving, he said he would walk her out and did not return. I was like a proud yet sad mother watching her grown baby leave for college. Not long after I decided to call it a night.

I needed my energy for the next night--Martin Solveig Part 2. As you may recall, GF and I had seen him a few months ago at the worst place in New York--Pacha, which was packed to the brim with bros, one of whom crushed my foot. Luckily Martin was playing at a much better venue this time around and hopefully I would have more space to avoid large jumping bros. I headed to GF's early, so that we could pregame. I was dressed in a ridic outfit which involved a shirt which said "Hello" in bright neon letters and a sweatband, so we had a photoshoot with me and GF wearing shutter shades. (After I put one of them as my profile pic on facebook and I had more than a couple people wondering why I was dating Ronnie from the Jersey Shore). We also made the mistake of taking adderall which I blame as the main cause of the night escalating. After a few bevs we cabbed it up to Terminal 5 and were greeted with a huge mass of people crowded around the door. We were both ready to pee our pants but luckily the mass squeezed through the entrance relatively quickly. Once inside we staked out a spot near the bar with a clear view of the stage. GF took a picture with a girl also wearing shutter shades and I began to blab to the poor foreign guy next to us. This continued throughout the set--every time a new song came on I grabbed his arm and screamed something to the effect of "I LOVE THIS SONG!". I'm sure he wanted to kill me but I didn't notice since I was so caught up in Solveig. He was much better than at Pacha and even played "Hello". We danced around like idiots but unfortunately that's pretty much all I can remember about the show. I do know I had fun though.
And the night gets even foggier when we left. I really have no recollection of how we got to the gay bar in Hell's Kitchen where we ended up. I know I sat on the patio with GF for quite awhile. I had a 20 minute conversation with a nice gay man but I cannot tell you one topic which was discussed. I do remember texting with Jersey though and convincing him to come meet me. He wasn't crazy about coming to a gay bar, especially when he got his ass grabbed standing in the bathroom line. I wanted GF's take on him but out of the three of us, no one really remembers anything about the introduction except that GF thought he had spiky hair (false). We bailed out pretty quickly and by then I was completely time-traveling. I don't know which is more likely--two blackout drunk people trying to hail a cab or two blackout drunk people stumbling the few blocks back to Jersey's place. We must have successfully done one though because we made it back. I have glimpses of what followed, causing me to have a pregnancy scare a couple weeks later (sidenote-everything is fine, no babies here). We woke up in the morning and tried to piece together the rest of the night, pretty unsuccessfully. We did find a pile of my clothes in the living room and my shoes in the bedroom though. We were both feeling like death and proceeded to spend the day being lazy pieces of shit. We barely left the couch and ordered all our meals in. We watched a soccer game and smoked a bunch of weed, which I really hadn't done in a few years. The whole thing was total college and disgusting, but I was fine with it for a day. It was this series of events that made me decide that perhaps I needed to reevaluate my lifestyle a little bit. 26 is a bit too old to be getting blackout drunk, even in New York City. The weekend had killed me and I needed a break.

Keepin it Classy....Not

Ever since I had started my new job I had been looking forward to a tradition I had relished in at my old job—the work happy hour. Some people may dread them for fear of spending more time with coworkers, aka drinking too much and embarrassing themselves. I was different—I happened to love them. Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that I do tend to drink too often, but I also love to see people outside of the professional environment. It can be fascinating, in a morbid-car crash type of way. 

My first time getting drinks with coworkers was planned because of a potential new living situation. One of the girls in my department had a friend moving to New York from Atlanta, and she needed a place to live. I was scheduled to move out of the Shwick soon and after emailing with her a bit we decided to meet on this weekend when she would be in town. Two of the guys in the sales department, one of whom happened to be my coworker's boyfriend, also met us. The potential new roomie turned out to be fairly cool and we were all having a good time drinking beers and talking about her impending move to New York. Things got a bit awkward though when the other sales guy, in mid-convo, asked me for my number. Not wanting to be rude in front of everyone and at a loss for how else to avoid it, I reluctantly gave it to him. Subsequently I have received a late-night text from him every Friday night, which I choose to ignore and then feel badly.

This is because I have spending them with Jersey. Despite my initial qualms, he was growing on me. Yes maybe his sense of humor isn't so great, and I am much more interesting and better-traveled than him. But he is consistently nice to me, and acts very interested. He remembers things that I tell him and takes me out for meals, with no regards for the cost. He even calls me! And the other night, after taking me out, he drove me all the way back to Brooklyn in his Range Rover, when I was hesitant to stay the night at his apartment. So when towards the end of happy hour, he texted me to come meet him out at his happy hour across town I decided that I would. He was pretty wasted when I met him and he paraded me around, introducing me to all his coworkers. They were fairly nice and I chatted with one of them about his family's handbag business for quite awhile. After a bit we decided that it was dinner time, so Jersey and I hopped in a cab. Listening to him slur cross streets to the cabbie, I knew that we could not be eating in public so I told him we would have to order delivery at his apartment. Obviously this was taken to mean something else, and once inside he pounced. True, I was not as eager to leave as I had been the time before, and there was apparently no way he was letting me. We ended up hooking up in his living room, with a view 18 stories above Hell's Kitchen. We never made it to dinner.

In the morning, we got brunch in the neighborhood and it was only moderately awkward. Halfway through, I received a call from Polish Princess, who had just returned to NYC from her epic South America tour. I had obviously been unable to meet up with her the night before so when she invited me for brunch later that afternoon I agreed. Two brunches in one day, that's what's up. So I headed from Hell's Kitchen to Williamsburg, where I met a large group of people, most of whom I didn't know, at Rye. I told myself I wasn't going to eat, but of course ordered a massive helping of eggs, in addition to a Bloody Mary. Brunch was roughly three hours long--the randoms turned out to be really cool and we all had some hilarious conversations. Afterwards, I knew I needed to take a nap rather than going with Polish Princess to her fav bar, as I hadn't been home in over 36 hours and I looked a hot mess.

Back to Bushwick I went, where I passed out for a couple hours and got myself together for Saturday night.

I had Salma's bday party in Alphabet City, but first I was meeting Yahtzee. I had recently confessed to him that I had made out with the hot Irish coworker at 1 Oak and he wanted us all to hang out again. I wasn't expecting much as this was a very classy man. He used to manage Marquee, he has his own clothing line, he is hot AND Irish. So I probably wouldn't be someone he would choose to go after, other than for a quick makeout at a club, but I was definitely willing to hang out with him again. So I chose a cute, but not too over the top outfit and headed to the bar where they were (also in Alphabet City, how convenient). This outfit included a pair of crazy tights, which I discovered had a hole in them on the subway. My dress turned out to also be much shorter than I remembered and I slightly resembled a cheap hooker. So much for trying to be classy.

Hot Irish was just as hot as I remembered. He was with a group of equally attractive Irish people, and Yahtzee. Hot Irish was friendly when he greeted me, but quiet. When he introduced me to the group, my knees buckled a bit, because of how my name sounded with his accent. One of the girls, who could have been a model, started talking to Yahtzee and me, asking how we knew each other. Of course, this gave us an opportunity to launch into our Croatia story. Usually people get bored within 5 minutes, but it turns out this girl had had her own sloppy night at the club we had gone to, El Fuego, and we all cracked up at the coincidence. She also discussed what a “sweetheart” their friend was, who happened to be the guy with the Harry Potter glasses and the bad attitude who had gotten handsy with AD at 1 Oak. I chose to just smile and nod at this.

The night progressed well, although Hot Irish and I didn't have a whole lot to say to each other. He had recently dressed the famous golfer Rory McIlroy, in a suit from his clothing line. Yahtzee had sent me an article about it, like a giddy little schoolgirl. So when we inevitably started to discuss that I asked if he had Rory's cell phone number. He said he did and I told him that we were all going to drunk dial him and leave him a drunken voicemail. This cracked Hot Irish up and I was pleased to have broken through his stoic exterior. I haven't seen him since and there have not been any other club nights, but when I get word that one is scheduled I will probably pee my pants from excitement.

I then convinced Yahtzee to head to Salma's bday with me, which was being held at a disgusting dive bar, though he was unaware of this. I only saw her for a few minutes but we had a good chat and agreed that we need to go out for Guggenheim drinks soon. Yahtzee took one for the team and was good company. We dipped out early to get food and when I burped loudly while eating it, like the classy lady that I am, he chastised me by calling me a “fucking pig”. True—I had gone to brunch twice that day afterall.  

St. PADDY'S Day

After last year, I swore I would never do St. Patrick's Day in New York again. Who thinks I stuck to that promise?? The fact that AD was coming to town and I have a pair of green jeans from Santa Con were the main reasons for my decision to go out, despite having had a pesky wisdom tooth pulled a few days earlier. I hadn't eaten anything solid the day before, which made for a real treat for everyone around me. So Saturday morning, when AD and I headed to brunch at the delish restaurant I had discovered near my apartment, I was on a rampage. I sucked down a Bloody Mary and pounded a quiche in record time. Once the beast was satisfied we headed into Manhattan and over to the West Village to meet our customers. We had purchased tickets to see Justice awhile ago but were both disappointed with their new CD. Plus we knew St. Pat's could get out of hand, so we made the executive decision to put those bastards on Craigslist, with the tagline “don't miss these French fucks”. We found our buyers, who turned out to be an adorable older gay couple. We handed them off then headed to meet AD's good friend from college, who lives on Long Island and was going on a bar crawl in which we were going to be tagging along. After scooping her up on the Upper East Side, we headed down to Grand Central. Judging on how Santa Con had been, I knew it would be an ugly scene. Correct. Since it was already mid-afternoon, people were already pretty wasted and a trashy girl shoved us as we walked up to the bar. The participants in Long Island's bar crawl were pretty funny though, and we even met a guy who knew Charlie Kelly (whom we were avoiding since AD had a bf in the works back in DC). I texted GF to meet up with us and he rolled in, looking very tan and svelt. After about another hour in that area we couldn't take it anymore and decided to head down to the East Village, to meet up with—Paddy's Irish Pub.

Now he was a good friend of AD's said bf and I had gone on a date with him a few days before. We had never met, so it had the potential to go terribly wrong. But instead, we sat on the rooftop of Eataly for over 2 hours chatting non-stop. We seemed to have the same viewpoints on things, he was pretty funny and we got along really well. Afterwards I was smitten. I hadn't felt like that in a really long time, and I even allowed myself to get excited, which is strictly against my policy for, well, anything. We had made plans to meet up on St. Pats, which may not have been the best plan. I warned GF on the way there that he had to be on his best behavior. The conversation:

Me: I like this guy, so I need you to be--

GF: Nice?

Me: Gay.

We finally managed to meet up in the packed bar and as soon as I saw him I wondered if I had been delusional the night of Eataly. He didn't even look like the same person and was wearing a t-shirt with dress shoes. And not a trendy v-neck t-shirt but a regular bright green one with freaking DRESS SHOES. I decided to dismiss this as I was a bit grumpy due to the crowds of belligerent 22 years olds. GF however did not; apparently his comment to AD after meeting ole Paddy--”oh great, another mediocre-looking ibanker”. True story. We all hung out for awhile until GF couldn't take it anymore and left. The remaining three of us and Paddy decided to head across the street to a Mexican restaurant. I was starving again of course and AD and her friend were pretty wasted so probably needed food as well. So of course when Paddy tried to order us “taquitos” the waiter heard “tequila” and brought us out 4 shots of the worst tequila I have ever tasted.

This did not help AD and her friend's state—AD was chattering loudly while the friend was slumped over in the booth. I was completely sober because of all the food I had eaten. I'd really like to think that Paddy was very drunk after the following occurred. AD and her friend got up to go to the bathroom and as soon as they were gone Paddy turns to me and heatedly asked why the friend kept giving him dirty looks. I was confused, as she had barely paid him any attention. He then decided to say she was a bitch and Long Island trash. Now she may be a little tan, but she is a really nice girl and I was shocked that he would be dumb enough to say this about someone I was with. Didn't he want to impress me, because this was not the way. The only thing I could think to say was that she was really drunk, once again missing an opportunity to throw a drink in someone's face.

After dinner, the friend decided to split off from us, luckily for her. Prom was up the street at the Ninth Ward, so I insisted we go there, after hanging around a bit more with Paddy's lame friends. We sat at a table on the patio and when Prom came out wearing a ghetto baseball hat, I knew Paddy was judging. He hardly spoke to him. Little does he know that Prom makes more money than God on Wall St. so looks really are deceiving (plus, once again, the man was wearing a t-shirt with dress shoes!). Paddy at least turned his attention to me though, where it should have been, and asked me to go to dinner that week. I decided I would see what it was all about. After Ninth, he took us to Crocodile Lounge, where with each drink bought you receive a ticket for a free PIZZA. Good Lord I was in heaven. I was very pleased with the situation, until of course I wasn't. While waiting for our pizza, Paddy shoved the tickets in my hand and turned his full attention to AD, where it remained for the rest of the night. I was now a rejected pizza bitch. I shoved my face with some delish goodness and my mood improved when mid 90s jams came on and Yahtzee showed his face for a sweet sec. On our way out, Paddy suggested that we go back to his place and smoke weed. Suspicious of his intention to bring two girls back to his apartment, plus the fact that my subway line was half a block away, I declined. I heard from him sporadically over the next week, but we surprisingly never went to dinner. Could this be because he was too busy plotting how to break up AD and her bf (also his friend)? Maybe. Or maybe it was because he became privy to the fact that I have been seeing Jersey? Also likely. Though disappointed that I was once again disappointed, I'm sure I am better off.

My Neck, My Back

Another wild New York weekend, what else is new? I was all set to stay in on this particular Friday night, but I received a text from CB luring me out. She was at a free comedy show at the Bellhouse in Gowanus and invited me to come out. I hadn't seen much of her since she had returned from her epic Southeast Asia tour not too long ago so I decided I would make the trek. I arrived just in time for the doorman to tell me that tickets for the show were sold out. I went to the bar and CB came out of the theater so we could decide wtf to do. She was there with a friend from work and couldn't leave him. We pleaded with another surly looking doorman who told us no way. We thought all was lost until a few minutes later when he begrudgingly decided to let us through anyway. Success!
The comedy show was actually pretty good. There were a bunch of comedians who do the voices for some cartoon I'd never heard of. But the crazed fan from Flight of the Concords was one of them and she is batshit insane, along with the guy who does the voice of Archer. He recounted in detail how he had gone to a printshop in the West Village and placed an order for a giant banner reading "God Hates Fags" (ehhhhh). I laughed quite a bit throughout the show, but not as much as the two wasted hipsters behind us, who seriously sounded legally retarded (this got worse when they started openly belching as well).
After the show we were just going to all head home until one of CB's friends said he was seeing an awesome concert in Williamsburg and we should join. I wasn't opposed since it was on my way home and surprisingly, CB agreed as well. But of course we arrived to find out that the tickets were sold out too. We had a drink at the bar next door, which gave me some courage to try again. I walked up to a different bouncer and asked if tickets were sold out. Answer-yes. And is the show almost over? Response--an eye roll and a wave of the hand for us to come inside. Success again! Apparently the door policies in Brooklyn are not so strict. The show was about half over, but CB and I were able to meet up with her friend and see most of it. At one point, a guy at the bar struck up conversation with me and bought me a drink. He seemed very nice and introduced me to all his friends. Problem was, he may or may not have been missing a tooth. It was dark and I chose not to look very closely, but needless to say I did end up "losing" him, though I did feel slightly bad about it. The night continued in typical Williamsburg fashion--after the show let out, we bar-hopped around the hood and somehow got blackout drunk. Brooklyn's payback for eluding its door policies....

After sleeping pretty much all day, the next Saturday, it was time to go back out. I had plans to meet up with Russian Rocher but she was all the way in Soho so I decided to head over to Yahtzee's first, to wait for her to head back our way. I forced down a drink and soon after the Eagle, Deux, and Yahtzee's other roommate, Khia (nickname explanation to come shortly), waltzed in, reeking of the Korean bbq they had just eaten. They were on their way to Pourhouse, which is one of the bro-iest bars in NYC. So Yahtzee and I obviously decided to go. It was a shitshow of NYU juniors and I wasn't too impressed. The Eagle was sucking as usual and Deux had a girl meet him there, his latest prey. I was chatting with Khia. He and Yahtzee had met my dad recently. He had been in town and had come out to trivia with us. Apparently he had mentioned to the two of them, that he had had to ground me for the entire summer before I left for college (true story) but wouldn't say why. I decided to fess up to Khia and informed him it was because I had gotten wasted at a friend's party and had danced on top of her parents' car, with photo evidence to prove it:

Whoops. Khia was very amused by this. I decided to keep it going. A bit later, that song "My Neck My Back" by, well, KHIA, came on. We all know it. It's the disgusting rap song about pussies and cracks from circa 2004. A real heartfelt ballad. So what did I tell Khia? "I used this song as my senior quote". He said nothing and gave me the most horrified look I've ever seen. It was then that I lost it. He actually thought I had quoted that disgusting song in my yearbook?! Amazing. It amused me for the rest of the night, including a bit later, when Yahtzee, Deux, his prey and I went back to the boys' apartment to have some more dranks. I loudly recounted this story and may or may not have sang a few lines from the song before bursting out laughing. Deux then asked me if I was going to any "techno shows". I happened to be wearing my striped, Donna Martin graduates, half-shirt. I stared at him and then said "Why, because of my FUCKING shirt??". Luckily Deux can take a joke and I'm sure was relieved when Yahtzee and I decided to head to Solas (of course) to meet Russian Rocher. The fun was over for me though. I didn't feel like dancing and I grew surly in the crowded club. I convinced Yahtzee to leave with me and we got snacks from a food cart. On the way back to his apartment to eat our delish burgers, I noticed Deux's prey texting alone on a corner and looking rather dejected. Yahtzee was heatedly discussing how uncircumcised guys don't like condoms, so I decided it wasn't a good time to interrupt and kept walking. Back at the apartment, we found Deux passed out on the couch, so I woke him up to yell at him for kicking the girl out when he was done with her. He grinned mischievously and I refused to share any of my burger with him. The three of us sat discussing god knows what while Yahtzee and I ate, and then I headed home, chuckling to myself about my senior quote.

Oh, New York

What a classic New York weekend I had. Fairly outrageous of course. Scheduled for Friday night--Sleep No More, the interactive play that had been a hit in NYC for the past year or so. But first, happy hour of course. I met JM and her coworkers in FiDi after work. I was pumped because I thought we were going to a bar with filled with hotties, which we had gone to before. Turns out I got it confused with the local dive, filled with retired firefighters. Shit. I saw the dismal scene and immediately texted both GF and Prom to come meet me. To my surprise, they both did. I was a little worried about this mix of people, but to my surprise they blended fabulously. GF loved Prom's dry, asshole comments and even tweeted a couple (follow him: White Boy Prblms). In fact two of GF's past tweets involving sharting and the phrase "pound town" were our inspiration for the night.

We continued this on the subway up to Chelsea, after happy hour had died down. Pretty much every statement we made involved on of the two, and every time we would all cackle like the slightly drunk people we were. Example: "Maybe he would like you if you stopped sharting all the time" and "Pound Town? Is that Upstate?" This got even further out of hand when the bar we went to had crayons and a paper table cloth in our booth. You better believe that tablecloth did not stay blank for long.

                                                              That's where they go baby
Unfortunately it was approaching 11:45, our entrance time for Sleep No More, so JM and I had to bid goodbye to Prom and GF. It was too rainy to get a cab so we were forced to walk to the far end of the West Side, to the old hotel in which the play would take place. We were a little bit soaked and I grew even grumpier when the annoying couple in front of us kept making out. That is only acceptable in Europe! Now the premise of this "play" is as follows: It is set in an old hotel. There are multiple floors with many rooms, each one with tons of shit in it. You are allowed to go through the shit and touch what you want, provided you do not speak for the entire two hours and wear a white mask. There are assorted actors running around, performing different pieces with each other. They also don't speak. It is loosely based on Macbeth. NY Mag explains it better: http://nymag.com/listings/theater/sleep-no-more/
It sounds insane but really it's true that it's awesome. There is so much detail in each room and there are also graveyards, an old hospital and old-timey looking bars. You can choose which actors you want to follow around. I saw a fight scene, a poisoning scene, a naked guy and a naked girl. I also at one point had a random guy come up to me and put his arm around me. I shooed him away and it was then that I think he realized that I wasn't actually his date. After wandering around for the time alloted, JM being more preoccupied with the decor and me with the story, we were separated but both ended up in the ballroom for the grand finale, where (spoiler alert) there is a mild orgy scene and a guy hangs himself. You can have a totally different experience from someone else and I if the tickets weren't $90 I would totally go back.
The next night I had couldn't have been more different. I met Russian Rocher out in Alphabet City at Drop Off Service, a bar I had been wanting to go to. She had left some friends behind at Pyramid Club, where we were scheduled to go later in the night, but it hadn't picked up yet. We were meaning to just go for a drink but  we got totally sidetracked by a bouncer standing in front of an unmarked door. We decided to see what was behind it, especially when he turned two other girls away. For some reason he did not do this to us, and we emerged into a Cuban-style speakeasy. We sat for much too long, sipping expensive specialty drinks until we realized Russian Rocher's friends had been waiting for us at Pyramid Bar for quite awhile. We headed back over and I immediately did not like the place. It had been a popular bar back in the 80s and was now 80s themed. The main resemblance I could tell was that the clientele looked like the freaks at table 9 from the Wedding Singer. A bunch of old creepers with quite a few overweight lesbians thrown in for good measure. Even the 80s music couldn't lift my mood and it certainly didn't improve when some guy spilled his drink on me. I half-heartedly danced around for a bit and was relieved when people decided to head out.

I was set to go to another bar but the concensus was to call it a night, so I power-walked through the East Village down to the Lower East Side, trying to catch a cab (b/c once again, my subway line wasn't running). It was proving to be impossible and I was basically to the Williamsburg bridge before I spotted one. I sprinted over to it, and as I was opening the door I heard yelling. I looked up and a guy and a girl were running towards me waving their arms. I shrugged and dove into the backseat anyway. I heard the guy start to yell that I was a bitch and looked up to see them knocking at the window. The girl was trying to shush him and asked if I was going to Bushwick. I told them that we could share the cab, provided he stopped yelling obscenities at me. They got in and I noticed how wasted they were. He was also French, not surprisingly. They were also weird as shit but they soon became my bff's and even invited me to a party with them (I politely declined). The swearing French man even ended up paying for the whole cab ride when they got off at their stop. An interesting turnaround.
The cab driver had been paying attention to what was going on and said that he had seen me first and that the guy seemed like a huge asshole. I informed him that it was probably because he was French, but he argued that it was because "he seemed like a Jew". Ehhhhh. I nervously said that I thought it was because he was French and that I had dated an asshole French guy. The cab driver then asked me if I had ever tried Russian, then proceeded to tell me that he was Russian (hint hint). I sulkily replied that I hated all guys at the moment (I had just gotten no response from a booty call text I had sent to Law School Bro...fail). The cab driver's response to this: "Well, you could always try girls". He then laughed heartily. Luckily we were at my apartment, so I thanked him and hopped out. By far my most interesting cab ride in NYC to date.

Oh, Dating

I was pretty jaded and slightly bitter after the whole Mason debacle. I was getting extremely fed up with dating in NYC, so I swore it off for awhile. I decided I would look into adopting seven cats instead and take a break from the boys. Do we think this happened? Absolutely not.
My (rough) introduction back into the scene came one Saturday night with JM. We decided to once again take advantage of the free bottle service in Meatpacking. Tonight was RDV which I hadn't been overly-thrilled with last time. I was less so this time. The table was crowded with a bunch of mean-looking, not so cute girls. One, who really resembled a mole, even had the audacity to grab the bottle away after I had poured myself a drink. She held onto it and glared in our direction. This really got JM going, who glared right back while telling me she was ready to take her if need be. It was so out of character for sweet and sunny JM, that I was a little terrified. And she was not the only nasty person present there that night. When I got confused by the lack of organization of the bathroom line and unknowingly cut in front of some people, some nasty bald Brit yelled at me to get to the back. Chill the fuck out SIR.
Needless to say after scoring some free drinks we decided RDV was not our scene and headed to a nearby bar to escape the club scene. Since JM is a guy-magnet, literally as soon as we stepped foot in the door, there was a guy there offering to buy her a drink. Luckily I was able to reap the benefits and he bought me one as well. Except the thing was so strong that I almost gagged when I took a sip. He was apparently there with his two buddies, celebrating one of their 30th bdays. What a celebration. I'm also convinced that the number was closer to 35, but we will never know the truth. The guy whose bday it was, was not bad looking at all but their friend looked like a cross between JM's lesbian college volleyball coach and Bruce Jenner.

                                                                   Terrifying

Luckily this guy bowed out gracefully and left early, leaving JM and I with our new antique friends. My guy (bday boy...ahem man) was actually pretty nice. We surprisingly carried on a decent conversation and we agreed to head to the diner with them after last call. I chatted with the guy throughout dinner but there were two red flags though which gave me a snob alert--asking where we had gone to dinner before heading out for the night and asking me not once, but twice, what my parents do. Come on guy. You don't ask that to someone you've just met unless you are shaaaallow. And the other guy turned out to be even worse. We both went to go to the bathroom and he let me go ahead of him. While inside, I heard him basically yelling to the guy behind him that he needed to get laid tonight. Can't you even try to be discreet about it??
Needless to say they did offer us to stay the night at their apartment instead of going all the way back to Brooklyn. I think my guy got the hint though when I asked how many beds he had. He then tried to give me cab money, which was very gentleman-like, but I did not accept it. He asked for my number but I never heard from him. Probably not a huge loss. But JM and I once again violated our rule of not accepting more than one drink from guys we aren't interested in. Instead we made out with about 3 free drinks, and a free meal. Oops.
Now here come the actual dates. This developed quite randomly and like Mason, was another blast from the past. I had of course gone to my favorite bar, the Ninth Ward for Mardi Gras celebrations and was gifted with an absolutely gigantic, Flava Flav-sized mardi gras bead. I posted a pic of me with it on good ole Facebook and noticed that Jersey had liked it. Now I had met Jersey one summer in Cuse, roughly 7-8 years ago. He was visiting fam there and we were getting late night food up on SU hill. We chatted and he took me to a ridiculous house party, like the ones you see in teen movies, a few nights later. We talked on and off throughout college on AIM but I hadn't seen him since that night. In my drunken haze I decided why not reunite again. I sent him a message to which he responded with an enthusiastic invitation for dinner and drinks. Pleasantly surprised I agreed and about a week later we were out. As I clomped towards the restaurant (Morimoto) I began to get really nervous. WTF was I doing, agreeing to go to a nice dinner with someone I barely knew?? The Mason thing was fresh in my mind and my self-esteem was not quite where it should be.

I thought that I would be able to shake it off during dinner, but to my surprise I could not. I was nervous and felt like an awkward high schooler. He was shorter than I remembered and though very nice, he was also very intense. He kept looking at me very intently while I tried to gracefully eat my giant sushi roll (impossible). We did manage to have a decent conversation but the whole thing was just a bit too much for a first date. And speaking of too much, I had overlooked the fact that everything I had ordered contained raw tuna. My mercury level was through the roof and I was starting to feel sick. I'll blame this on the fact that when he tried to put my jacket on for me, I decided to rudely and awkwardly grab it away from him instead. I'm not really into chivalry to that extent and apparently don't know how to conduct myself in public.

Needless to say I was convinced we wouldn't be going out again. But to my surprise when I sent him the polite thank you text the next day, he asked me out to a second dinner. Luckily this place was a bit more casual and I was feeling a bit more myself. The date went much smoother and I even agreed to go out with him about a week later, when we took a walk on the Highline and got a drink at the Standard Beer Garden (my other fav bar). He started to joke around a bit more that time, which was a relief. I'm currently on the fence about this one. Pros: polite, remembers things, always pays, could be opening up. Cons: loud voice, bit of a Jersey bro, still do not feel quite at ease.
But as we all know, New York has its dating surprises, so who knows where this will go...