My Neck, My Back

Another wild New York weekend, what else is new? I was all set to stay in on this particular Friday night, but I received a text from CB luring me out. She was at a free comedy show at the Bellhouse in Gowanus and invited me to come out. I hadn't seen much of her since she had returned from her epic Southeast Asia tour not too long ago so I decided I would make the trek. I arrived just in time for the doorman to tell me that tickets for the show were sold out. I went to the bar and CB came out of the theater so we could decide wtf to do. She was there with a friend from work and couldn't leave him. We pleaded with another surly looking doorman who told us no way. We thought all was lost until a few minutes later when he begrudgingly decided to let us through anyway. Success!
The comedy show was actually pretty good. There were a bunch of comedians who do the voices for some cartoon I'd never heard of. But the crazed fan from Flight of the Concords was one of them and she is batshit insane, along with the guy who does the voice of Archer. He recounted in detail how he had gone to a printshop in the West Village and placed an order for a giant banner reading "God Hates Fags" (ehhhhh). I laughed quite a bit throughout the show, but not as much as the two wasted hipsters behind us, who seriously sounded legally retarded (this got worse when they started openly belching as well).
After the show we were just going to all head home until one of CB's friends said he was seeing an awesome concert in Williamsburg and we should join. I wasn't opposed since it was on my way home and surprisingly, CB agreed as well. But of course we arrived to find out that the tickets were sold out too. We had a drink at the bar next door, which gave me some courage to try again. I walked up to a different bouncer and asked if tickets were sold out. Answer-yes. And is the show almost over? Response--an eye roll and a wave of the hand for us to come inside. Success again! Apparently the door policies in Brooklyn are not so strict. The show was about half over, but CB and I were able to meet up with her friend and see most of it. At one point, a guy at the bar struck up conversation with me and bought me a drink. He seemed very nice and introduced me to all his friends. Problem was, he may or may not have been missing a tooth. It was dark and I chose not to look very closely, but needless to say I did end up "losing" him, though I did feel slightly bad about it. The night continued in typical Williamsburg fashion--after the show let out, we bar-hopped around the hood and somehow got blackout drunk. Brooklyn's payback for eluding its door policies....

After sleeping pretty much all day, the next Saturday, it was time to go back out. I had plans to meet up with Russian Rocher but she was all the way in Soho so I decided to head over to Yahtzee's first, to wait for her to head back our way. I forced down a drink and soon after the Eagle, Deux, and Yahtzee's other roommate, Khia (nickname explanation to come shortly), waltzed in, reeking of the Korean bbq they had just eaten. They were on their way to Pourhouse, which is one of the bro-iest bars in NYC. So Yahtzee and I obviously decided to go. It was a shitshow of NYU juniors and I wasn't too impressed. The Eagle was sucking as usual and Deux had a girl meet him there, his latest prey. I was chatting with Khia. He and Yahtzee had met my dad recently. He had been in town and had come out to trivia with us. Apparently he had mentioned to the two of them, that he had had to ground me for the entire summer before I left for college (true story) but wouldn't say why. I decided to fess up to Khia and informed him it was because I had gotten wasted at a friend's party and had danced on top of her parents' car, with photo evidence to prove it:

Whoops. Khia was very amused by this. I decided to keep it going. A bit later, that song "My Neck My Back" by, well, KHIA, came on. We all know it. It's the disgusting rap song about pussies and cracks from circa 2004. A real heartfelt ballad. So what did I tell Khia? "I used this song as my senior quote". He said nothing and gave me the most horrified look I've ever seen. It was then that I lost it. He actually thought I had quoted that disgusting song in my yearbook?! Amazing. It amused me for the rest of the night, including a bit later, when Yahtzee, Deux, his prey and I went back to the boys' apartment to have some more dranks. I loudly recounted this story and may or may not have sang a few lines from the song before bursting out laughing. Deux then asked me if I was going to any "techno shows". I happened to be wearing my striped, Donna Martin graduates, half-shirt. I stared at him and then said "Why, because of my FUCKING shirt??". Luckily Deux can take a joke and I'm sure was relieved when Yahtzee and I decided to head to Solas (of course) to meet Russian Rocher. The fun was over for me though. I didn't feel like dancing and I grew surly in the crowded club. I convinced Yahtzee to leave with me and we got snacks from a food cart. On the way back to his apartment to eat our delish burgers, I noticed Deux's prey texting alone on a corner and looking rather dejected. Yahtzee was heatedly discussing how uncircumcised guys don't like condoms, so I decided it wasn't a good time to interrupt and kept walking. Back at the apartment, we found Deux passed out on the couch, so I woke him up to yell at him for kicking the girl out when he was done with her. He grinned mischievously and I refused to share any of my burger with him. The three of us sat discussing god knows what while Yahtzee and I ate, and then I headed home, chuckling to myself about my senior quote.