It was my first weekend back in New York after being away for almost a month and I was playing it by ear. Friday after work I went to see Work Friend's band play at Bowery Electric but there wasn't much going on after so I headed home in a pouty mood. Yahtzee texted me on my way and said that they were heading to a bar right near my apartment. I was pleased at this as I didn't feel like going far. After waiting around for them I considered just going to bed until he called me from the cab and ordered me to come out. It turns out the bar was literally kitty corner from my apartment and I had somehow never noticed it before. I walked in and it was actually really cool. I saw Yahtzee standing with one of Deux's friend, whom I had met on several occasions, yet I hadn't really spoken with besides once on my bday. We will call him Razzle. He is good-looking but seemed like a total flake and player from what I had witnessed so far. He was determined to hook up with someone that night and unfortunately he set his sights on me. He greeted me very enthusiastically and I was a bit taken aback but took a shot with them all to take the edge off. Deux was there with a date, who actually turned out to be a cool girl. No matter since she will never be brought around again. As the night progressed, Razzle was laying it on pretty thick and I was trying to not fall into his trap. He was Deux's best friend after all, and I had already gone there with him, so I didn't want to do the same with his friend.
Atl showed up for a bit and commented that there was no way I was getting out of this one unless I was a total bitch to him--his claws were in deep. Luckily she was being hilarious as usual and had her huge bag with her from work which she kept hitting random people with. She left soon after, as did Deux and his date, leaving me with Yahtzee and Razzle. Razzle kept trying to make me dance with him, which I begrudgingly obliged. I'm sure he was sorry after he saw my terrible dance skills. This did not deter him though and he kept up his act. Yahtzee left without me realizing and I was really done for. Razzle said we should go to another bar and I agreed, hoping that by getting him farther away from my apartment it would be easier to fight him off. We walked up to Ave A but somehow didn't realize that it was just about last call. I decided this was my cue and said I was going to head home. Razzle said he would walk me and I insisted more than once that he didn't have to. Yea right. He walked me to my door and I was ready to dash inside when he pulled the line--"Can I come up and use the bathroom". Jesus Christ. At this point I just threw in the towel. I was tired and sick of fighting. Sure dude come up and "use the bathroom".
But there are times in life when you should fight and this was one of them. Even though Razzle was good-looking and a successful guy, he was pushy right from the beginning so I should have figured that this would continue behind closed doors. He is also friends with Deux aka the Midnight Rapist, so that was not a good sign. I unfortunately ignored these red flags. I as always informed him that I would not be sleeping with him but he was not ready to take no for an answer. He kept pushing the issue, trying anything he could think of to make me want to. He kept trying to reason with me that it was a good idea and the icing on the cake was when he asked if we could have anal sex. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
And to make matters worse Razzle was not the only guy who had tried to force himself on me recently. The Hipster was also pretty insistent about getting what he wanted, except he tried to put it when he thought I wasn't paying attention. Like I am not going to notice your giant wang coming near me?? I had blocked this from my memory because I had a little crush on him but I brought it back to the surface once he blew me off. So this is where the question arises--who raised these guys?? As a female I was under the impression that it is your prerogative to sleep and NOT sleep with whomever you would like and just because you allow a dude into your bed, doesn't mean that he is guaranteed sex. Yes this may make you a "tease" and I do admit it is a bit amusing to see these guys lose their shit over not getting what they want. But, males, if a girl tells you no, and you try anyway, well that is just a bit rapey. If I ever have children, and they are males, I will certainly be teaching them this, unlike the mothers of Hipster and Razzle who apparently never taught them that lesson. And after all that fighting I did never hear from Razzle afterwards, not like I would've wanted to. I also have yet to see him, and I am dreading it. It is inevitable, since he is friends with Yahtzee and I will have to have my game face ready.
The next day, conveniently, was a Girls' Day, which JM had planned with some of her friends and was exactly what I needed. We went to the Warm Up at MoMA PS1, which is basically a giant dance party in the courtyard of a museum. We saw some art, drank some beers and danced around. The only male we had contact with was a drunk hipster who came up behind us and lifted up his shirt revealing his fat gut. He would try and sneak in the background of our pictures with his fat stomach hanging out and I actually thought it was pretty hilarious. The Warm Up was followed by a long dinner where we ordered basically everything on the menu to share and cracked up at each other's stories. A perfect way to forget about terrible guys and their rude tendencies.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Hola Mexico! Part 2
After our experience at the fancy happy hour, Little Aussie and I spent the next couple days on the tour group circuit. We saw all the sights there are to see in Mexico City--the Frida Kahlo museum, traditional markets with food I could not identify, and a boat trip down a canal where a Mexican lady cooked us traditional food, which I devoured. The food in Mexico was amazing and I ate my face off the whole time, not getting sick once. We also spent time making fun of the fat couple in love in our tour group. Our Mexican tour guide also made a winning comment at one point when we were stuck in traffic (which was often). I don't know wtf he was talking about since I was dozing but I woke up to hear "the whale that participate in the movie of Willy, no?". It was classic.
Unfortunately the formerly beautiful weather had taken a turn for the worst. A dipshit hurricane was moving towards the coast and we were feeling the affects with rainy, cool weather. This literally put a damper on our touring so the last day we decided to buy a ticket for a bus tour which made a stop at a shopping mall, where we spent too many pesos on clothes we didn't need. It then took us three hours on the bus to get back to our hostel because of traffic. At this point I had had enough of Mexico City and just wanted to go home. But we needed to push through since we were meeting up with OG and his friends that night. We had met them the night before at a bar, where when I was animatedly telling a story I managed to knock a bottle of tabasco sauce onto my white shirt. I was hoping to make up for this tonight by not embarrassing myself.
We were headed to a neighborhood called Santa Fe that night, close to where OG lives. We had been told it would be a big night so Little Aussie and I decided to wear our going out clothes, which are perfectly acceptable anywhere but Latin America. As soon as we left our room we knew it was a bad idea as every male in a 25 mile radius stopped to stare and whistle at us in our short skirts. We ran quickly to where Alejandro was parked. He had served as our driver the past couple of nights. He drove a white Plymouth Neon and spoke zero English but he managed to get us to the hotel where we were meeting up with OG. Except he was late (because he is Mexican) and we waited for a half hour in the lobby looking like prostitutes. He finally met us and drove us to his friends' house, where we drank and played King's Cup. Except Mexicans have a weird rule--for one round you have to pretend to be an animal while not showing your teeth, so no laughing. This proved to be pretty much impossible as it was one of the most hilarious things I have ever witnessed.
After we were sufficiently drunk we headed to a nearby bar which was very strange because it was in the middle of a fancy shopping mall. The boys met up with some friends that they knew and I scored some free drinks. One of the chicos took a liking to me. I was sitting with his arm around me when he started talking about how he liked one of the girls who was there earlier. Little Aussie did not appreciate this and told OG, who then bitched him out til he left me alone. A bit later the original crew of us headed to a club which was close by and was, according to the boys, "the most exclusive club in Mexico". One of their other friends, who had a wooden leg, got us in since he was getting bottle service. We all took the elevator up and were let out in what looked like any club I had been to in New York or Paris and I was happy. We all danced around and I know at one point I was yelling the words to "Somebody That I Used to Know". Little Aussie was starting to buddy up with one of the friends and I decided I was bored. I walked over to the table of guys next to us and announced my presence with a loud "Hooooola!" and a wave. I chatted with them for awhile and gave my email address to one. I must have given my email address to 6 different people that night and luckily I have not heard from any of them.
Upon my return Little Aussie was making out with the friend and OG and I got into a deep discussion. The only thing I remember from it was him telling me that I am "one of the smartest girls he knows". He then made his exit to meet up with his current hookup and I danced with the wooden leg guy. I as usual stumbled around like a rag doll. Even a guy with a wooden leg can dance better than me. Finally around 6AM it was time to leave. Little Aussie had a hard time fighting off her makeout, as he kept trying to get her to go back home with him. He had the audacity to suggest we have a threesome then called her about 4 times when we were back in Alejandro's Neon. Shameless.
Luckily she did not go back with him as we needed to check out of the hostel at 10AM, a couple hours away. We were awakened a bit after 10 by church bells and cheering outside. Mexico had won the Olympic gold against Brazil in the final soccer game and the country was losing its shit. The two of us were as well, running around trying to pack and get out of the hostel. Finally we ran downstairs and Little Aussie jumped in a cab. She was flying back to LA to meet up with Baby J, then go back to Australia. I was planning to ride a few blocks with her. I was meeting up with OG's parents who were in town at their hotel so we could all go to OG's apartment together, as I was staying an extra night. However the cabbie informed me that the roads were closed because of the fans from the game and that it was not safe to walk. Little Aussie and I were forced to hastily say goodbye and I headed to the front desk where I stayed for a half hour trying to get a hold of OG's parents and of course ended up in tears. Luckily one of the workers convinced a gypsy cab to take me the few blocks to my destination, which cost me $20. He dropped me off in the midst of the crowd and I still ended up having to walk a couple blocks, pushing through the fans and getting cat-called.
In the lobby I had to ask the concierge to ask around to see if he could find the parents. I had met them a couple of years ago in Switzerland but I didn't remember what they looked like. As soon as they found me I burst into tears once again, and though they must have thought I was a crazy person, they were extremely nice to me and escorted me to their waiting car. The driver had a hard time getting through the crowded streets and it took us a couple of hours to get to OG's apartment. It was located in a mountainous and affluent area of the city and was in a gated building. I spent the day with OG, his parents, his brother and his sister hanging out. I felt like the foreign exchange student and it was nice to relax and not be running around constantly. In the evening they cooked me an authentic Mexican dinner and his dad offered me a Mexican cerveza which I gladly accepted. We then all watched coverage of the big win together as a family. My flight was early the next morning and I was sad to leave them all. I had survived Mexico, unscathed and without getting kidnapped. I feel lucky to have experienced one of the largest cities in the world (it takes 3 and a half hours to drive across it in normal traffic). But for such a huge city I found the people to be extremely welcoming. Though I was sometimes I overwhelmed, I enjoyed my time there.
Unfortunately the formerly beautiful weather had taken a turn for the worst. A dipshit hurricane was moving towards the coast and we were feeling the affects with rainy, cool weather. This literally put a damper on our touring so the last day we decided to buy a ticket for a bus tour which made a stop at a shopping mall, where we spent too many pesos on clothes we didn't need. It then took us three hours on the bus to get back to our hostel because of traffic. At this point I had had enough of Mexico City and just wanted to go home. But we needed to push through since we were meeting up with OG and his friends that night. We had met them the night before at a bar, where when I was animatedly telling a story I managed to knock a bottle of tabasco sauce onto my white shirt. I was hoping to make up for this tonight by not embarrassing myself.
We were headed to a neighborhood called Santa Fe that night, close to where OG lives. We had been told it would be a big night so Little Aussie and I decided to wear our going out clothes, which are perfectly acceptable anywhere but Latin America. As soon as we left our room we knew it was a bad idea as every male in a 25 mile radius stopped to stare and whistle at us in our short skirts. We ran quickly to where Alejandro was parked. He had served as our driver the past couple of nights. He drove a white Plymouth Neon and spoke zero English but he managed to get us to the hotel where we were meeting up with OG. Except he was late (because he is Mexican) and we waited for a half hour in the lobby looking like prostitutes. He finally met us and drove us to his friends' house, where we drank and played King's Cup. Except Mexicans have a weird rule--for one round you have to pretend to be an animal while not showing your teeth, so no laughing. This proved to be pretty much impossible as it was one of the most hilarious things I have ever witnessed.
After we were sufficiently drunk we headed to a nearby bar which was very strange because it was in the middle of a fancy shopping mall. The boys met up with some friends that they knew and I scored some free drinks. One of the chicos took a liking to me. I was sitting with his arm around me when he started talking about how he liked one of the girls who was there earlier. Little Aussie did not appreciate this and told OG, who then bitched him out til he left me alone. A bit later the original crew of us headed to a club which was close by and was, according to the boys, "the most exclusive club in Mexico". One of their other friends, who had a wooden leg, got us in since he was getting bottle service. We all took the elevator up and were let out in what looked like any club I had been to in New York or Paris and I was happy. We all danced around and I know at one point I was yelling the words to "Somebody That I Used to Know". Little Aussie was starting to buddy up with one of the friends and I decided I was bored. I walked over to the table of guys next to us and announced my presence with a loud "Hooooola!" and a wave. I chatted with them for awhile and gave my email address to one. I must have given my email address to 6 different people that night and luckily I have not heard from any of them.
Upon my return Little Aussie was making out with the friend and OG and I got into a deep discussion. The only thing I remember from it was him telling me that I am "one of the smartest girls he knows". He then made his exit to meet up with his current hookup and I danced with the wooden leg guy. I as usual stumbled around like a rag doll. Even a guy with a wooden leg can dance better than me. Finally around 6AM it was time to leave. Little Aussie had a hard time fighting off her makeout, as he kept trying to get her to go back home with him. He had the audacity to suggest we have a threesome then called her about 4 times when we were back in Alejandro's Neon. Shameless.
Luckily she did not go back with him as we needed to check out of the hostel at 10AM, a couple hours away. We were awakened a bit after 10 by church bells and cheering outside. Mexico had won the Olympic gold against Brazil in the final soccer game and the country was losing its shit. The two of us were as well, running around trying to pack and get out of the hostel. Finally we ran downstairs and Little Aussie jumped in a cab. She was flying back to LA to meet up with Baby J, then go back to Australia. I was planning to ride a few blocks with her. I was meeting up with OG's parents who were in town at their hotel so we could all go to OG's apartment together, as I was staying an extra night. However the cabbie informed me that the roads were closed because of the fans from the game and that it was not safe to walk. Little Aussie and I were forced to hastily say goodbye and I headed to the front desk where I stayed for a half hour trying to get a hold of OG's parents and of course ended up in tears. Luckily one of the workers convinced a gypsy cab to take me the few blocks to my destination, which cost me $20. He dropped me off in the midst of the crowd and I still ended up having to walk a couple blocks, pushing through the fans and getting cat-called.
In the lobby I had to ask the concierge to ask around to see if he could find the parents. I had met them a couple of years ago in Switzerland but I didn't remember what they looked like. As soon as they found me I burst into tears once again, and though they must have thought I was a crazy person, they were extremely nice to me and escorted me to their waiting car. The driver had a hard time getting through the crowded streets and it took us a couple of hours to get to OG's apartment. It was located in a mountainous and affluent area of the city and was in a gated building. I spent the day with OG, his parents, his brother and his sister hanging out. I felt like the foreign exchange student and it was nice to relax and not be running around constantly. In the evening they cooked me an authentic Mexican dinner and his dad offered me a Mexican cerveza which I gladly accepted. We then all watched coverage of the big win together as a family. My flight was early the next morning and I was sad to leave them all. I had survived Mexico, unscathed and without getting kidnapped. I feel lucky to have experienced one of the largest cities in the world (it takes 3 and a half hours to drive across it in normal traffic). But for such a huge city I found the people to be extremely welcoming. Though I was sometimes I overwhelmed, I enjoyed my time there.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Hola Mexico! Part 1
A short while after leaving San Fran, Little Aussie and I found ourselves in a completely different world--Mexico. It may be close enough to home but it does not feel like it one bit. Especially not where we were heading. We must be the only girls in their 20s, who rather than vacationing at a beach in Mexico like normal people, decide to go to Mexico City. I joked to friends before leaving that they better be willing to negotiate with my kidnappers or else risk finding one of my fingers in their mailbox. Spoiler alert--we made it out of Mexico unscathed!
Now we didn't just choose this at random. My friend OG, another Hamburg friend, was from there and had invited us to visit. He was the final stop on our reunion tour. I hadn't seen him since he had come to visit me in NYC last spring and I was excited since OG is always fun. We weren't going to be staying with OG though, since he lived a bit outside of this massive mega-city and he thought it would be better if we stayed in the center of things. So he booked us a room at hostel in the city center. Except he booked us the penthouse suite, where we not only had our own private room but also had our very own rooftop patio overlooking the royal palace and the cathedral. Baller status! A sampling of our view:
I had spent the cab ride from the airport with my face pressed to the window at the view outside and now I couldn't stay away from the balcony, watching the hustle and bustle of the city before me. This was probably the craziest place I had ever seen. There were people everywhere, and the traffic was ridiculous. There were no lines in the roads and apparently no rules of the road. It was crowded and busy and loud. And we did not fit in. There didn't seem to be many tourists, not surprisingly, and those that were definitely came from Latin America. We are about as white as can be and were noticed, as we walked the neighborhood around our hostel looking for a bank and snacks. Neither of us spoke Spanish, my phone didn't work and OG hadn't responded to my last emails. It was getting cloudy and people were starting to clear the streets. We had somehow gotten turned around and weren't sure which way to go back. Of course it started to downpour and we were running through the streets, soaking wet, trying to figure out where the hell we were. When we finally did, we walked back into our hostel dejected and dripping wet and definitely not feeling like ballers.
We got some much-needed sleep that night and in the morning woke up early for a tour put on by the hostel. We visited some cathedrals and Aztec ruins around the city, including a square where 1,000 student protesters were killed by the government in 1968, before heading outside the city to the pyramids of Teotihuacan. Our tour group was made up of a variety of foreigners, including a few Europeans. I was the only American and this suited me fine. On the van ride out we listened to the Olympic soccer game in which Mexico was playing, and I again stared out the window at the slums lining the mountains outside. Before heading to the pyramids we stopped at a local store, which made it's own crafts, like sculptures out of volcanic rock, and tequila and mezcal. They gave us about 3 shots and then Little Aussie and I went to town in the store, buying up little statues and bottles of liquor. I'm sure it was wildly overpriced but neither of us seemed to care. (Sidenote, when I returned home to NYC I realized that the bottles of mezcal I had bought had the worm at the bottom..sick).
We then headed over to the pyramids to get to climbing. It was an absolutely beautiful day out--the perfect temperature, with a breeze that had a balmy smell and the sunlight was almost blinding. I have never experienced weather like that and I was pretty happy as I trucked up the steep steps of the Pyramid of the Moon. Once at the top Little Aussie and I had a photoshoot with the amazing landscape surrounding us. Then I realized I had to climb back down. I am really scared of heights and the steps were pretty narrow. Climbing down was tedious and I decided I wasn't even going to chance it with the Pyramid of the Sun, which was even higher. I sat sprawled out in a grassy area in its shadow, while Little Aussie headed up. I was nice and relaxed even though I had to shoo away a guy selling something every five seconds and I caught two random men taking my picture. Had they never seen bare legs before??
After awhile I started to get worried--Little Aussie hadn't come back down the mountain and it was nearing the time when we were supposed to meet back up with the tour group. I began to grow concerned. We were separated in a country which wasn't exactly the safest in which neither of us spoke the language. I wandered around growing angrier until we were eventually reunited. My mood was not the best for a bit but it improved after speaking to a cute little Swiss guy who was part of our group on the van ride back to the city. We didn't get a chance to exchange info so if I am meant to see him again I will. Little Aussie and I met OG for a delish dinner of authentic tacos and then watched the Olympics in our room. The next day we went on another tour of the Cathedral outside our hostel and then the National Palace. The tour was entirely too long but I did get to see the famous Rivera murals I had studied in college was pretty effing awesome.
That night we had plans to meet up with one of Russian Rocher's friends--her roommate from Penn, who was also from Mexico City. I had never met him but I figured it would be good to have one more person to take us out. He invited the two of us to a Penn alumni happy hour, so we took a cab that the hostel called us (we were advised not to hail cabs on the street because it was likely they would mug us) to the neighborhood--Colonia Roma. It was quite a difference from the neighborhoods we had seen so far, which looked pretty sketch. It was filled with architecturally interesting buildings and tall palm trees. We were headed to the Hotel Brick and after our driver got lost, finally made it. We walked in and I felt like I was back in New York. It was fancy and hip and Russian Rocher's friend greeted us in perfect English. He led us to a room with fancy apps and a bunch of tooly guys in suits. I could tell Little Aussie was immediately uncomfortable, especially when some of them started asking what we do for a living (she is a bartender at a strip club in Australia..probably not the answer they were expecting). I was eyeing a guy with slicked back hair who looked a lot like Ibanker until I noticed the wedding ring on his finger. Russian Rocher's friend was nice though and we eventually got in with a nice little group and had a competition to see if he could name all the Mexican states and I the US. I made it to 48--stupid Mississippi and Idaho!
It was an interesting evening, observing the wealthy in Mexico City, especially when the country has such a great divide. We really didn't notice many middle-class people at all while we were there; it seemed to be one or the other. And we had even more interesting times ahead of us....to be continued.....
Now we didn't just choose this at random. My friend OG, another Hamburg friend, was from there and had invited us to visit. He was the final stop on our reunion tour. I hadn't seen him since he had come to visit me in NYC last spring and I was excited since OG is always fun. We weren't going to be staying with OG though, since he lived a bit outside of this massive mega-city and he thought it would be better if we stayed in the center of things. So he booked us a room at hostel in the city center. Except he booked us the penthouse suite, where we not only had our own private room but also had our very own rooftop patio overlooking the royal palace and the cathedral. Baller status! A sampling of our view:
We got some much-needed sleep that night and in the morning woke up early for a tour put on by the hostel. We visited some cathedrals and Aztec ruins around the city, including a square where 1,000 student protesters were killed by the government in 1968, before heading outside the city to the pyramids of Teotihuacan. Our tour group was made up of a variety of foreigners, including a few Europeans. I was the only American and this suited me fine. On the van ride out we listened to the Olympic soccer game in which Mexico was playing, and I again stared out the window at the slums lining the mountains outside. Before heading to the pyramids we stopped at a local store, which made it's own crafts, like sculptures out of volcanic rock, and tequila and mezcal. They gave us about 3 shots and then Little Aussie and I went to town in the store, buying up little statues and bottles of liquor. I'm sure it was wildly overpriced but neither of us seemed to care. (Sidenote, when I returned home to NYC I realized that the bottles of mezcal I had bought had the worm at the bottom..sick).
We then headed over to the pyramids to get to climbing. It was an absolutely beautiful day out--the perfect temperature, with a breeze that had a balmy smell and the sunlight was almost blinding. I have never experienced weather like that and I was pretty happy as I trucked up the steep steps of the Pyramid of the Moon. Once at the top Little Aussie and I had a photoshoot with the amazing landscape surrounding us. Then I realized I had to climb back down. I am really scared of heights and the steps were pretty narrow. Climbing down was tedious and I decided I wasn't even going to chance it with the Pyramid of the Sun, which was even higher. I sat sprawled out in a grassy area in its shadow, while Little Aussie headed up. I was nice and relaxed even though I had to shoo away a guy selling something every five seconds and I caught two random men taking my picture. Had they never seen bare legs before??
After awhile I started to get worried--Little Aussie hadn't come back down the mountain and it was nearing the time when we were supposed to meet back up with the tour group. I began to grow concerned. We were separated in a country which wasn't exactly the safest in which neither of us spoke the language. I wandered around growing angrier until we were eventually reunited. My mood was not the best for a bit but it improved after speaking to a cute little Swiss guy who was part of our group on the van ride back to the city. We didn't get a chance to exchange info so if I am meant to see him again I will. Little Aussie and I met OG for a delish dinner of authentic tacos and then watched the Olympics in our room. The next day we went on another tour of the Cathedral outside our hostel and then the National Palace. The tour was entirely too long but I did get to see the famous Rivera murals I had studied in college was pretty effing awesome.
That night we had plans to meet up with one of Russian Rocher's friends--her roommate from Penn, who was also from Mexico City. I had never met him but I figured it would be good to have one more person to take us out. He invited the two of us to a Penn alumni happy hour, so we took a cab that the hostel called us (we were advised not to hail cabs on the street because it was likely they would mug us) to the neighborhood--Colonia Roma. It was quite a difference from the neighborhoods we had seen so far, which looked pretty sketch. It was filled with architecturally interesting buildings and tall palm trees. We were headed to the Hotel Brick and after our driver got lost, finally made it. We walked in and I felt like I was back in New York. It was fancy and hip and Russian Rocher's friend greeted us in perfect English. He led us to a room with fancy apps and a bunch of tooly guys in suits. I could tell Little Aussie was immediately uncomfortable, especially when some of them started asking what we do for a living (she is a bartender at a strip club in Australia..probably not the answer they were expecting). I was eyeing a guy with slicked back hair who looked a lot like Ibanker until I noticed the wedding ring on his finger. Russian Rocher's friend was nice though and we eventually got in with a nice little group and had a competition to see if he could name all the Mexican states and I the US. I made it to 48--stupid Mississippi and Idaho!
It was an interesting evening, observing the wealthy in Mexico City, especially when the country has such a great divide. We really didn't notice many middle-class people at all while we were there; it seemed to be one or the other. And we had even more interesting times ahead of us....to be continued.....
Sunday, September 9, 2012
San Fran: I'm Old Gregg!
And so begins my vacation with Little Aussie. And what better way to kick it off then with a classic night of New York binge-drinking. I started with an open bar JM was hosting at a classy little place called Off the Wagon. This hour long open bar turned into me staying for 3 hours. I then met up with Little Aussie at Le Poisson Rouge, to see a dj. The doorman kindly suggested we give him two random names so we did. He checked his list and let us in for free. Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs (yes that's the dj name) was awesome and I was having so much fun that I agreed to go out after with Little Aussie and her promoter friend that she had met while in New York. He took us to one of the standard Meatpacking clubs, where there was bottle service. This is always my downfall and I indulged heavily. I also gave my number to two different guys, both of whom turned out to be promoters and both still text me every weekend with stupid things that I will never do. Once it was 3AM and I was teetering where I stood I decided it was time to head home. Little Aussie stayed out until 6AM, returning back to my apartment as Atl was leaving for work.
I woke up still drunk and much too late--our flight was in a few hours and I hadn't packed a thing. I also decided that I absolutely had to go pick up my laundry and take a shower and do my hair. I was just taking my time and not realizing the magnitude of the situation. We left entirely too late and of course had to wait forever for the subway. I also sat next to an old pimp in a mustard-colored suit the entire ride to JFK and didn't realize it til halfway through. We arrived to check-in with an hour before the flight left. I thought we had plenty of time but apparently the lovely people at Delta thought otherwise. That is, if they had the ability to think and not be the ghetto pieces of shit that they were. For the first time in my life that I missed a flight. They refused to let us on, and then tried to charge us $800 each to get on another one. After I stood there screaming and slamming my wallet against the counter, they relented and agreed to let us on one at 8pm for $50. We were told these seats were guaranteed but after sitting around the airport for 6 hours, we were then told that we probably were not getting on that flight since they had oversold it by 20 people. Somehow we managed to get on, probably because Little Aussie burst into tears. The result of this was a man giving us all of his free drink tickets.
We arrived in San Fran in the middle of the night and after a cab ride from a crazy woman cabbie, had our reunion with Baby J and Byarr, my two beloved members of Team USA. The four of us had all spent a semester in Hamburg together and hadn't all been together since two summers before. It was a good thing we were excited to see each other since we were all in very close quarters together in our private hostel room. This hostel also featured the oldest elevator in the US, and I was convinced we were going to die every time we got in it. The long weekend was glorious and we all picked up right where we left off, cracking up the entire time. Baby J and Little Aussie appropriately took the role of the children, as they constantly flirted and made fun of each other, and Byarr and I were the parents, since they annoyed us. Byarr cracked us up at one point by telling them that they "shan't have their pudding" if they didn't stop misbehaving during dinner. We also quoted a youtube video that Baby J showed us all the entire weekend--Old Gregg. It is the weirdest British skit about a gay swamp creature named Old Greg who loves Baileys.
We packed in the weekend with sightseeing. We ate clam chowder at Fisherman's wharf, had coffee and truffles in North Beach, walked through Chinatown, shopped in Union square, weirdo-watched in Haight Ashbury and rode on one of the streetcars. We also had an awesome photo shoot at the cliffs and the beach in front of the Golden Gate Bridge, where I got to show off my favorite undies:
Deutschland meets San Fran
We went out at night obviously, to the Mission and a really cool bar called Elbow Room, which played vintage porn. We also went to some other less cool bars, one of which was filled with annoying college kids bro-ing out. We drank a lot of San Fran craft beer, most of which was good, one of which tasted literally like toilet water. Little Aussie and I were concerned about Byarr, who in Germany had the tendency to get pretty out of control. He was relatively tame this trip, except for one night. Baby J and I were exhausted and went back to the room to go to bed after we returned to the hostel. Little Aussie and Byarr wanted to continue the party with some people from the hostel they had met. Little Aussie met another hot Aussie man and was caught up with him. She didn't notice that Byarr had slipped away and walked to another nearby hostel. He walked in, told the guy at the desk he was in room 4B and went to the kitchen where he drank a bunch of beer out of the fridge. He was finally caught when he started removing food, and was escorted out.
We also took a mini-trip while in San Fran, across the bay to Tiburon. Byarr has family in San Fran, an awesomely hilarious aunt and uncle. They have a second home in Tiburon, which is about a half hour ferry ride away. They were having a party that Saturday afternoon, but due to our lack of planning skills we ended up going without having time to change into nice clothes. We showed up looking like slobs and bringing nothing with us. I wouldn't normally care, but this second home was absolutely amazing and was located on one of the cliffs overlooking the bay.
His family was very welcoming, serving us food and drinks and entertaining the slovenly lot of us. We enjoyed our short time there until we had to literally run back down the hill in order to catch the last ferry. Little Aussie also entertained ourselves when the boys got fed up with our silly antics. We were wandering Golden Gate Park one afternoon when we spotted an old carousel. We of course had to go on it, like the children that we are. The carousel operator was about to shut down but when he saw us outside, let us on and gave us 3 free rides. The boys sat waiting for almost a half hour as we jumped around this thing "horse hopping" and taking hilarious photos. I'm still mad that that little girl stole the rooster that I really wanted to ride on though.
And finally the last great moment of the trip occurred on our last morning there. We went to a brunch place nearby before starting our day of sightseeing. We ate quite a bit and after the meal I naturally had to take a poop. We had been out the night before and I had tried to avoid using the bathroom in our room. So off I went to take care of business which was successful. Except for when I went to flush. Nothing. I jiggled the handle and still nothing. My specimen was sitting squarely in the toilet and it looked to be not going anywhere. This was the only bathroom in the restaurant and I started to panic that someone was going to be waiting outside. I washed my hands quickly and ran out. I was relieved to see no one was waiting, but as soon as I sat back down the guy at the table across from us got up and headed there. Baby J was trying to ask me something but I was too distracted to think. I had to interrupt him to explain the situation and tell them we needed to leave immediately. The boys were cracking up at my panicked look, as they have never heard me talk about anything like this. I barely noticed as I was hauling ass to the exit but we must have all kept laughing for the next hour.
A perfect way to end a reunion trip with people I don't see very often. The next morning we said our goodbyes as we were all flying off to our respective destinations. But we made plans to meet up again soon in Denver, which is where Byarr lives. And next stop for Little Aussie and I--Mexico City. To be continued....
I woke up still drunk and much too late--our flight was in a few hours and I hadn't packed a thing. I also decided that I absolutely had to go pick up my laundry and take a shower and do my hair. I was just taking my time and not realizing the magnitude of the situation. We left entirely too late and of course had to wait forever for the subway. I also sat next to an old pimp in a mustard-colored suit the entire ride to JFK and didn't realize it til halfway through. We arrived to check-in with an hour before the flight left. I thought we had plenty of time but apparently the lovely people at Delta thought otherwise. That is, if they had the ability to think and not be the ghetto pieces of shit that they were. For the first time in my life that I missed a flight. They refused to let us on, and then tried to charge us $800 each to get on another one. After I stood there screaming and slamming my wallet against the counter, they relented and agreed to let us on one at 8pm for $50. We were told these seats were guaranteed but after sitting around the airport for 6 hours, we were then told that we probably were not getting on that flight since they had oversold it by 20 people. Somehow we managed to get on, probably because Little Aussie burst into tears. The result of this was a man giving us all of his free drink tickets.
We arrived in San Fran in the middle of the night and after a cab ride from a crazy woman cabbie, had our reunion with Baby J and Byarr, my two beloved members of Team USA. The four of us had all spent a semester in Hamburg together and hadn't all been together since two summers before. It was a good thing we were excited to see each other since we were all in very close quarters together in our private hostel room. This hostel also featured the oldest elevator in the US, and I was convinced we were going to die every time we got in it. The long weekend was glorious and we all picked up right where we left off, cracking up the entire time. Baby J and Little Aussie appropriately took the role of the children, as they constantly flirted and made fun of each other, and Byarr and I were the parents, since they annoyed us. Byarr cracked us up at one point by telling them that they "shan't have their pudding" if they didn't stop misbehaving during dinner. We also quoted a youtube video that Baby J showed us all the entire weekend--Old Gregg. It is the weirdest British skit about a gay swamp creature named Old Greg who loves Baileys.
We packed in the weekend with sightseeing. We ate clam chowder at Fisherman's wharf, had coffee and truffles in North Beach, walked through Chinatown, shopped in Union square, weirdo-watched in Haight Ashbury and rode on one of the streetcars. We also had an awesome photo shoot at the cliffs and the beach in front of the Golden Gate Bridge, where I got to show off my favorite undies:
We went out at night obviously, to the Mission and a really cool bar called Elbow Room, which played vintage porn. We also went to some other less cool bars, one of which was filled with annoying college kids bro-ing out. We drank a lot of San Fran craft beer, most of which was good, one of which tasted literally like toilet water. Little Aussie and I were concerned about Byarr, who in Germany had the tendency to get pretty out of control. He was relatively tame this trip, except for one night. Baby J and I were exhausted and went back to the room to go to bed after we returned to the hostel. Little Aussie and Byarr wanted to continue the party with some people from the hostel they had met. Little Aussie met another hot Aussie man and was caught up with him. She didn't notice that Byarr had slipped away and walked to another nearby hostel. He walked in, told the guy at the desk he was in room 4B and went to the kitchen where he drank a bunch of beer out of the fridge. He was finally caught when he started removing food, and was escorted out.
We also took a mini-trip while in San Fran, across the bay to Tiburon. Byarr has family in San Fran, an awesomely hilarious aunt and uncle. They have a second home in Tiburon, which is about a half hour ferry ride away. They were having a party that Saturday afternoon, but due to our lack of planning skills we ended up going without having time to change into nice clothes. We showed up looking like slobs and bringing nothing with us. I wouldn't normally care, but this second home was absolutely amazing and was located on one of the cliffs overlooking the bay.
This view is no big deal
His family was very welcoming, serving us food and drinks and entertaining the slovenly lot of us. We enjoyed our short time there until we had to literally run back down the hill in order to catch the last ferry. Little Aussie also entertained ourselves when the boys got fed up with our silly antics. We were wandering Golden Gate Park one afternoon when we spotted an old carousel. We of course had to go on it, like the children that we are. The carousel operator was about to shut down but when he saw us outside, let us on and gave us 3 free rides. The boys sat waiting for almost a half hour as we jumped around this thing "horse hopping" and taking hilarious photos. I'm still mad that that little girl stole the rooster that I really wanted to ride on though.
And finally the last great moment of the trip occurred on our last morning there. We went to a brunch place nearby before starting our day of sightseeing. We ate quite a bit and after the meal I naturally had to take a poop. We had been out the night before and I had tried to avoid using the bathroom in our room. So off I went to take care of business which was successful. Except for when I went to flush. Nothing. I jiggled the handle and still nothing. My specimen was sitting squarely in the toilet and it looked to be not going anywhere. This was the only bathroom in the restaurant and I started to panic that someone was going to be waiting outside. I washed my hands quickly and ran out. I was relieved to see no one was waiting, but as soon as I sat back down the guy at the table across from us got up and headed there. Baby J was trying to ask me something but I was too distracted to think. I had to interrupt him to explain the situation and tell them we needed to leave immediately. The boys were cracking up at my panicked look, as they have never heard me talk about anything like this. I barely noticed as I was hauling ass to the exit but we must have all kept laughing for the next hour.
A perfect way to end a reunion trip with people I don't see very often. The next morning we said our goodbyes as we were all flying off to our respective destinations. But we made plans to meet up again soon in Denver, which is where Byarr lives. And next stop for Little Aussie and I--Mexico City. To be continued....
Monday, September 3, 2012
"Holy Shit, There's a Hipster in my Bed!"
So now begins the epic 2 and a half weeks with my little Aussie Friend. We had studied abroad together in Germany a couple years ago and now she was doing her tour of the US. She had been in LA with our friend Baby J for a couple of weeks, traveling the West Coast, and now she was headed East. She was going to be staying with me for a week in New York before we headed off to our travels--meeting up with Baby J in San Fran and then off to Mexico City (that's right) to see another Germany friend. The Grand Tour.
I hadn't seen Little Aussie since she met me in Strasbourg for an emergency weekend away from where I was staying with that awful Swiss guy. I had been kind of a mess at that time so I wanted her to see me normal and happy. Or as normal as things can be in New York. So come the weekend, we were going out. Friday night we were headed to Williamsburg, to see a dj from LCD Soundsystem at Brooklyn Bowl. I figured this wouldn't be a neighborhood she would venture to on her own and it's fun to see. I had invited my guy friend from work as well, which would be the first time we had hung out outside of a work setting, but he claimed to like LCD Soundsystem. He met us and I was surprised to see that instead of a dj, they were playing a video of an LCD Soundsystem concert on a giant screen, with a bunch of people dancing to it. Little Aussie got a kick out of it but I couldn't help thinking this was a crock. But once Little Aussie treated us all to shots of Cafe Patron I determined that this was actually fun and cool. Work Friend and I were standing next to each other, both checking our phones, when a short, tubby girl behind us tapped us and said "Umm if you guys aren't going to watch, could you move??". Our reaction was perfectly executed--we both turned around, looked at her, and turned back to our phones without moving. She then huffed away and we cracked up.
Unfortunately, after a couple more drinks, shit started to get weird, as it always does at Brooklyn Bowl. Work Friend was getting closer to me as he talked and he let it slip that he didn't even really know LCD Soundsystem. He kept putting his arm around my waist. I was tensed up and trying to move away and he said "We work together, is this weird?" and I answered flatly--"Yes". A few minutes later he went to the bathroom and never came back. I received a text an hour or so later saying he was too drunk and had to go home. I see. I like Work Friend, for who he is--a friend at work, so there will be none of that.
You would think after that I would be out of the woods, but no no. I had somehow started texting with a guy I had a fling with in college. He moved away from NYC just when I moved here but now he was moving back for grad school. He was studying Creative Writing and was a total pompous dick. He had been sweet when I first met him at the end of my freshman year, sweet enough to cheat on my boyfriend with. He secretly talked throughout Sophomore year and when I went on a break with this boyfriend, we started a short fling, which ended when I got back together with my boyfriend. We hadn't talked much since and I hadn't seen him since literally 2005. So obviously he came to meet me at Brooklyn Bowl, when it was determined that he was in Williamsburg as well. I didn't know if I really wanted to see him but I was too drunk to determine much of anything at that point and was busy dancing to the dj who had actually gone on. He showed up and looked exactly the same, except bald. We had a few conversations I don't remember, while Little Aussie made fun of him secretly. When it was time for us to leave Little Aussie told me I had to get rid of him. I made up some story about where we were going and he grabbed me on the middle of the sidewalk and started to make out with me. Whoa dude, this may have been cool 7 years ago but it was not the case now. I endured it for a second, then said I would talk to him later and scampered away with Little Aussie, to head back to Manhattan.
Once there we found Atl, drunk as well. She had gone out with her friend who was visiting from Charlotte and it sounded like they had a better night than we did. She was also texting her secret New York love, Kevin, who mostly ignored her. She had made a breakthrough though and had actually gotten him to agree to come over. She ushered us into my room where I received communication from my elusive guy in New York as well--the Playboy. He had popped up out of nowhere and was texting me to come to his place at 5am. No way sir, not anymore. I responded saying he should come to my place, never thinking that he actually would. He must have been real desperate, because he agreed almost immediately, hopped in a cab and was on Avenue C 20 minutes later. I couldn't believe it. Little Aussie crawled into her bed on the couch, leaving the Playboy and me in my room together. We had a steamy makeout sess, but unfortunately for him, I still wasn't giving it up since he had put in zero effort for it. And good move, because like a true gentleman, he snuck out and left soon after I fell asleep. Fucking Playboy.
In the morning we all slept til an absurd hour and then rehashed the night before with Atl screaming "KEEEEVIN" intermittently throughout the conversation. Little Aussie and I headed to the Gugg for the afternoon returning later to nap and get ready for our second night out. We both had doubts on if we could make it, but Atl insisted that we had to meet up with her and her friend after they went to dinner. So I took Little Aussie to the Back Room, thinking it was good spot to show a friend visiting. Everyone else apparently thought so too and it was packed with foreign tourists. Despite how much I liked the speakeasy vibe and the drinks served in teacups, this place was played out. Luckily after wandering the LES for a bit, Atl summoned us to meet them at a bar in Chelsea. We arrived to find it empty and we sat trying to figure out our next move (after a round of Cafe Patron shots of course). We even debated going to a strip club that High School had invited us too, which Little Aussie was very excited about. But Atl's friend had invited one of her New York friends to meet her and suddenly a group of 8 guys was trucking into the bar to meet us. The night suddenly brightened.
They surprisingly nixed the strip club and we split up to take cabs to Bowery Electric. The cute hipster I had been talking to at the bar was sitting next to me and we continued to chat. Things were rowdy at B.E. and after Atl got screamed at by a bouncer for trying to cut in the bathroom line she pulled an Irish Exit and apparently got a ride home with a stranger. The rest of us were none the wiser and had a dance party among ourselves where lots of incriminating photos were taken. After awhile the group disbanded but I was not finished with our night so I dragged Little Aussie, Atl's friend, the cute hipster and his friend to the Wren. My memories of this are a little foggy but I know I sat and chatted with the hipster, apparently pulling all of this knowledge out of my ass about the craft beers they were serving and remembering none of it. I know I also got pissed when a creepy dude who had been talking to Little Aussie followed us to the Wren and then followed us out when we left. The creepiness had to stop and luckily hipster's friend told him he had to leave.
It was past last call at this point but when a random drunk dude approached us on the street and asked the hipster and me if we wanted to go somewhere for after-hours with him, we agreed. Why? We followed him and I thought we were all going to a party when he stopped in front of a dark building to make a call. Little Aussie and Atl's friend were yelling about something and dancing in the street when the door mysteriously opened and we were ushered into a dark entryway. The doorman slammed the door behind us, turned and began to scream at us that we needed to shut the fuck up and act classy when we came here. We all stood frozen, not really sure what to do. I wasn't about to try and get past this guy to leave now so we followed the drunk guy upstairs to a tiny bar. This was apparently called the KGB Bar and was in fact filled with old Russians, as well as some normal looking people. We were all a little unnerved about getting screamed at and the whole situation in general, so we drank our beers quietly in a corner. Little Aussie began to chat with the guys next to her about acting, but once we finished our drinks we decided it was time to get out of this creepy place. We all got up and filed out, one of us accidentally knocking over a bottle on our way. We rushed outside, glad that we had lived through that.
We were very close to my apartment and Cute Hipster and his friend followed us back. I was wondering wtf they were doing but I didn't say anything. We started to all have another drink in my living room when the move was made. Cute Hipster asked if he could see my room and it was all over. I agreed and a couple minutes later my door closed. We had officially left the party. I woke up in the morning, turned over and had a slight shock--"Holy shit, there's a hipster in my bed!" was my first thought. And hipster he was--nerd glasses, vans and a sassy attitude. He also used to live in San Francisco and was a Kindergarten teacher. Another unexpected fact-- he also had the biggest man part I have ever seen. I had refused to let it near me though, as is my MO lately--refusing to sleep with these guys. When I couldn't find my glasses, he told me that he had thrown them out the window because I wouldn't have sex with him. He was kind of an asshole but I did like his sense of humor.
We actually ended up going on a date a couple nights later. We walked the High Line and ate popsicles and chatted and I had quickly developed a crush on this cute little hipster. I was even willing to overlook the fact that he skateboards! But alas, I left for my trip a few days later. He texted me once during it, but when I returned he totally blew me off and I never heard from him again. I was disappointed, as I had already imagined the fun hipster outfits I could wear when we dated, but really could I have a future with someone who skateboarded to yoga class? So, in the words of Little Aussie, I never did find out if I "could take his huge wang".
I hadn't seen Little Aussie since she met me in Strasbourg for an emergency weekend away from where I was staying with that awful Swiss guy. I had been kind of a mess at that time so I wanted her to see me normal and happy. Or as normal as things can be in New York. So come the weekend, we were going out. Friday night we were headed to Williamsburg, to see a dj from LCD Soundsystem at Brooklyn Bowl. I figured this wouldn't be a neighborhood she would venture to on her own and it's fun to see. I had invited my guy friend from work as well, which would be the first time we had hung out outside of a work setting, but he claimed to like LCD Soundsystem. He met us and I was surprised to see that instead of a dj, they were playing a video of an LCD Soundsystem concert on a giant screen, with a bunch of people dancing to it. Little Aussie got a kick out of it but I couldn't help thinking this was a crock. But once Little Aussie treated us all to shots of Cafe Patron I determined that this was actually fun and cool. Work Friend and I were standing next to each other, both checking our phones, when a short, tubby girl behind us tapped us and said "Umm if you guys aren't going to watch, could you move??". Our reaction was perfectly executed--we both turned around, looked at her, and turned back to our phones without moving. She then huffed away and we cracked up.
Unfortunately, after a couple more drinks, shit started to get weird, as it always does at Brooklyn Bowl. Work Friend was getting closer to me as he talked and he let it slip that he didn't even really know LCD Soundsystem. He kept putting his arm around my waist. I was tensed up and trying to move away and he said "We work together, is this weird?" and I answered flatly--"Yes". A few minutes later he went to the bathroom and never came back. I received a text an hour or so later saying he was too drunk and had to go home. I see. I like Work Friend, for who he is--a friend at work, so there will be none of that.
You would think after that I would be out of the woods, but no no. I had somehow started texting with a guy I had a fling with in college. He moved away from NYC just when I moved here but now he was moving back for grad school. He was studying Creative Writing and was a total pompous dick. He had been sweet when I first met him at the end of my freshman year, sweet enough to cheat on my boyfriend with. He secretly talked throughout Sophomore year and when I went on a break with this boyfriend, we started a short fling, which ended when I got back together with my boyfriend. We hadn't talked much since and I hadn't seen him since literally 2005. So obviously he came to meet me at Brooklyn Bowl, when it was determined that he was in Williamsburg as well. I didn't know if I really wanted to see him but I was too drunk to determine much of anything at that point and was busy dancing to the dj who had actually gone on. He showed up and looked exactly the same, except bald. We had a few conversations I don't remember, while Little Aussie made fun of him secretly. When it was time for us to leave Little Aussie told me I had to get rid of him. I made up some story about where we were going and he grabbed me on the middle of the sidewalk and started to make out with me. Whoa dude, this may have been cool 7 years ago but it was not the case now. I endured it for a second, then said I would talk to him later and scampered away with Little Aussie, to head back to Manhattan.
Once there we found Atl, drunk as well. She had gone out with her friend who was visiting from Charlotte and it sounded like they had a better night than we did. She was also texting her secret New York love, Kevin, who mostly ignored her. She had made a breakthrough though and had actually gotten him to agree to come over. She ushered us into my room where I received communication from my elusive guy in New York as well--the Playboy. He had popped up out of nowhere and was texting me to come to his place at 5am. No way sir, not anymore. I responded saying he should come to my place, never thinking that he actually would. He must have been real desperate, because he agreed almost immediately, hopped in a cab and was on Avenue C 20 minutes later. I couldn't believe it. Little Aussie crawled into her bed on the couch, leaving the Playboy and me in my room together. We had a steamy makeout sess, but unfortunately for him, I still wasn't giving it up since he had put in zero effort for it. And good move, because like a true gentleman, he snuck out and left soon after I fell asleep. Fucking Playboy.
In the morning we all slept til an absurd hour and then rehashed the night before with Atl screaming "KEEEEVIN" intermittently throughout the conversation. Little Aussie and I headed to the Gugg for the afternoon returning later to nap and get ready for our second night out. We both had doubts on if we could make it, but Atl insisted that we had to meet up with her and her friend after they went to dinner. So I took Little Aussie to the Back Room, thinking it was good spot to show a friend visiting. Everyone else apparently thought so too and it was packed with foreign tourists. Despite how much I liked the speakeasy vibe and the drinks served in teacups, this place was played out. Luckily after wandering the LES for a bit, Atl summoned us to meet them at a bar in Chelsea. We arrived to find it empty and we sat trying to figure out our next move (after a round of Cafe Patron shots of course). We even debated going to a strip club that High School had invited us too, which Little Aussie was very excited about. But Atl's friend had invited one of her New York friends to meet her and suddenly a group of 8 guys was trucking into the bar to meet us. The night suddenly brightened.
They surprisingly nixed the strip club and we split up to take cabs to Bowery Electric. The cute hipster I had been talking to at the bar was sitting next to me and we continued to chat. Things were rowdy at B.E. and after Atl got screamed at by a bouncer for trying to cut in the bathroom line she pulled an Irish Exit and apparently got a ride home with a stranger. The rest of us were none the wiser and had a dance party among ourselves where lots of incriminating photos were taken. After awhile the group disbanded but I was not finished with our night so I dragged Little Aussie, Atl's friend, the cute hipster and his friend to the Wren. My memories of this are a little foggy but I know I sat and chatted with the hipster, apparently pulling all of this knowledge out of my ass about the craft beers they were serving and remembering none of it. I know I also got pissed when a creepy dude who had been talking to Little Aussie followed us to the Wren and then followed us out when we left. The creepiness had to stop and luckily hipster's friend told him he had to leave.
It was past last call at this point but when a random drunk dude approached us on the street and asked the hipster and me if we wanted to go somewhere for after-hours with him, we agreed. Why? We followed him and I thought we were all going to a party when he stopped in front of a dark building to make a call. Little Aussie and Atl's friend were yelling about something and dancing in the street when the door mysteriously opened and we were ushered into a dark entryway. The doorman slammed the door behind us, turned and began to scream at us that we needed to shut the fuck up and act classy when we came here. We all stood frozen, not really sure what to do. I wasn't about to try and get past this guy to leave now so we followed the drunk guy upstairs to a tiny bar. This was apparently called the KGB Bar and was in fact filled with old Russians, as well as some normal looking people. We were all a little unnerved about getting screamed at and the whole situation in general, so we drank our beers quietly in a corner. Little Aussie began to chat with the guys next to her about acting, but once we finished our drinks we decided it was time to get out of this creepy place. We all got up and filed out, one of us accidentally knocking over a bottle on our way. We rushed outside, glad that we had lived through that.
We were very close to my apartment and Cute Hipster and his friend followed us back. I was wondering wtf they were doing but I didn't say anything. We started to all have another drink in my living room when the move was made. Cute Hipster asked if he could see my room and it was all over. I agreed and a couple minutes later my door closed. We had officially left the party. I woke up in the morning, turned over and had a slight shock--"Holy shit, there's a hipster in my bed!" was my first thought. And hipster he was--nerd glasses, vans and a sassy attitude. He also used to live in San Francisco and was a Kindergarten teacher. Another unexpected fact-- he also had the biggest man part I have ever seen. I had refused to let it near me though, as is my MO lately--refusing to sleep with these guys. When I couldn't find my glasses, he told me that he had thrown them out the window because I wouldn't have sex with him. He was kind of an asshole but I did like his sense of humor.
We actually ended up going on a date a couple nights later. We walked the High Line and ate popsicles and chatted and I had quickly developed a crush on this cute little hipster. I was even willing to overlook the fact that he skateboards! But alas, I left for my trip a few days later. He texted me once during it, but when I returned he totally blew me off and I never heard from him again. I was disappointed, as I had already imagined the fun hipster outfits I could wear when we dated, but really could I have a future with someone who skateboarded to yoga class? So, in the words of Little Aussie, I never did find out if I "could take his huge wang".
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