Art Baby

This was my first weekend in Manhattan and I was puuumped. No more trucking back to Brooklyn on the L train at 3am by myself, a neighborhood filled with bars right outside my doorstep. Things were looking up. Except when I got home from work, no one was around. AD and her new boyfriend, Big Tones, were in NYC for the weekend but had dinner plans. Would I really be staying in on my first weekend night in the big city?? This fear led me to agree to go out with Coffee, purely out of desperation. Now Coffee is the little short guy, who grew up in NYC, but had been living in Cuse. We met when I worked at the coffee shop, and hung out a couple times when he was in New York and I had the unfortunate decision of making out with him when I was feeling vulnerable (See Mini Trip to Cuse). Afterwards he had been very clingy and I had made up a fictitious boyfriend to keep him at bay. And it had worked--until now. He wanted me to meet him at some wine bar in the Lower East Side, which I was delighted to be able to walk to. I was not pleased though when he gave me the wrong address, taking me dangerously close to the projects across Delancey, where I witnessed the largest rat I have ever seen. After a couple drinks though, we were chatting and everything was fine. AD texted me saying she and the bf (Big Tones) where heading down my way and that we should meet at the Back Room. I wanted to ditch this guy and see them but as the Back Room was right next door to where we currently were, it was next to impossible to shed him.
So he tagged along and apparently was under the impression that we were on a double-date. I had never met Big Tones and he was awesome and totally understanding of my situation. When we had a creepy drunk Russian guy keep trying to talk to us, we formed a tight circle, with Coffee and this guy on the outside. We figured they could occupy each other for a bit while the three of us gossiped. Big Tones happened to be best friends with Paddy, the guy I had gone on a really good date with, and then things went quickly downhill on St. Patrick's Day. I hadn't heard from him since soon after St. Pats and it turned out he had a new girlfriend, whom the two of them had gone to dinner with. The verdict--trashy AND boring. I was delighted.
Meanwhile Coffee had fought off the Russian and weaseled his way back into our circle. He was not taking the hint. Or was merely choosing to ignore it as was demonstrated by the following debacle. We told him we were going to leave and he followed us out. I thought he would get in a cab like a normal person but he kept walking with us. We told him we were going one way and he said he was too so we quickly said we needed to go the opposite way. I wanted to get to the Playboy's but apparently Coffee had the idea he was coming home with me. As we all struggled to come up with credible lies he stated "So I'm not going with you?", with a look of disgust. I replied that I would call him the next day (not) and the 3 of us practically dove into a cab.
We were all pretty drunk at this point and we spent the cab ride yelling belligerently about how terrible he was, while also making some pretty terrible comments then all agreeing I had to make a speech at their wedding. I hopped out and we agreed to meet for brunch the next morning.

The 3 of us had a packed day ahead of us. After brunch we were going to be attending the Frieze Art Fair, which is why they had come to town. I felt like my parents were in town--they paid for all my meals and my cabs, except they get along better than my parents. The Fair was on Randall's Island, so we had to wait in line for the ferry. We amused ourselves with all the artsy people in line who were "smug as fuck". The best sighting though was 2 artsy parents with their toddler. He was wearing a toy plastic bucket around his neck and looked like he would grow up to be a teenager that would get the shit beaten out of him. He had a little scowl on his face and we nicknamed him "Art Baby". We then invented a dialogue between his smug as fuck parents. My favorite line-- "Damien, did you get his art bucket?". We of course died at this, and continued to crack up on the ferry, especially when we hit a wave and I got a terrified expression on my face, as I was momentarily convinced we were going over. The art fair was huge and I pretty much wandered around in a daze, overwhelmed and hungover. The amazing people-watching continued though and we even had an up close and personal sighting of Adrian Brody. And luckily there was no escaping Art Baby. We kept seeing him everywhere and even at one point spotted him outside, digging in the dirt with his art bucket--busted!
Afterwards I was sad to leave my Mom and Dad but they had another dinner with Paddy and his new bitch and I was going to stop by Yahtzee, Deux and Khia's Kentucky Derby/Cinco de Mayo party. By the time I got there everyone was pretty wasted and I was dead sober, having been cultural at a snobby art fair all afternoon.The Eagle was there with his new girlfriend, which explained why he had suddenly stopped talking to me when we were all out. Though she was not that cute, they looked together. I soon grew bored and headed back to Alph City to nap, which was followed by a mediocre night out with GF, where I was able to walk home, instead of slumming it on the subway.
And don't worry, Coffee was still being persistent and texting me. I decided that the only thing I could do was ignore them and vowed never to speak to him again.
Judging from these events, not a bad first weekend in Manhattan.