My Gay Date

While I was traveling in Mexico City, I heard from someone that I never expected to hear from again and had forgotten about, quite frankly. The friend that Russian Rocher's friend had tried to set me up with. I went to his bday party and then found out at the end that I was talking to the girl he was dating. Which is why I never would have expected him to be gay, but we'll get to that later. So I signed onto my facebook one day and there was a message from him:

Hey! I'm not sure if you remember but we met at my birthday party several weeks ago. Anyway, I was wondering if you might be interested in grabbing drinks sometime? If you're around this weekend, perhaps Sunday night would be a good bet for something low-key? Probably seems a bit weird for me to ask ... particularly 6 weeks after the fact ... but I'd be totally remiss if I didn't. So here goes. Haha! Hopefully talk to you soon

I was pleasantly surprised, though wary, since he was tagged in photos with that girl not long before. I waited a couple of days and then wrote him back agreeing to the drinks. The date went down about a week after I made my return. I was pleased with the place he had chosen—Gallow Green. It was a new rooftop bar, right next door to where Sleep No More was held and was themed similarly. I met him at the entrance, and my immediate reaction was surprise—how had I not noticed his apparent gayness before? His voice, gestures and mannerisms all seemed gay. There was no turning back now though and as we entered the elevator I kept thinking that the people next to us were wondering why I was on a date with a gay guy.

The bar was cool though, the décor was dark and rustic 1920s with candles everywhere and the staff in character. And since the drinks were strong I just pushed these thoughts aside and asked and answered the normal first date questions. He seemed very smart and cool and laughed at some of my sarcastic comments so he was alright in my book. More gay clues though—he grew up religious in a small Midwestern town and also made an awkward comment about the strip club across the street. This did not deter me though and I made the mistake of staying for three drinks. To my defense the atmosphere was really cool and it was a perfect summer night in New York with a view of the Empire State Building and the Highline. Plus he was actually really cool to talk to and laughed really hard when I called myself Rainman for remembering the date of his birthday party a couple months earlier. Too bad he had to be gay.

Or so it seemed. He sent me the traditional follow up text the next day and asked if I wanted to go to dinner at his favorite Cuban place near my apartment that we had discussed. I figured that I might as well scope it out once more, especially since it was right near my apartment. So I agreed, and met him for dinner. It was fine as it was before and we had normal conversation, followed by drinks at Zum Schneider, the German beer garden down the street. He seemed a little less gay this time and at this point I was thinking that maybe it was the religion and the wholesome upbringing that may be causing him to seem gay. After the date he walked me to my door and didn't try to kiss me and said that we would do something soon.

This soon came up sooner than we both thought—Russian Rocher was having an open bar at Down the Hatch in the West Village and her friend had invited him. Neither of us found out until the night before when we were texting back and forth. So that was to be our next and final “date”. I had shared, confidentially, with Russian Rocher, that I was concerned that he might be gay. She said she hadn't gotten that vibe from him but had never really paid that much attention. But her other gay friend was there and she was going to ask him for his opinion. And apparently I was not the only one with qualm—when speaking to her friend later in the the night she actually told me that Gay Date was concerned that I might be too tall for him. What?? I am going to take that as a sign that he is uncomfortable with his masculinity as most guys appreciate a tall girl and it's not like I'm a giant. I pushed this aside for the time being though as I didn't want an awkward situation for anyone. I rejoined Gay Date at the bar where he continued to buy my drinks.

Except while I was gone he had struck up conversation with RR's gay friend—on his own accord. I stood there for awhile, feeling like I was the third wheel on their own gay date. He even touched his arm a couple of times and when the three of us took a group shot, he had no clue about what shots to order. After the shot I excused myself to go to the bathroom and on the way RR stopped me and said that her gay friend had reported that Gay Date was questionable. I had figured this out on my own, and whether or not this guy was actually gay it was a little too ambiguous for me. He was also a little too wholesome and I was obviously too tall.

After the bathroom I told him I was leaving and he didn't look too disappointed. I then left and walked home slowly, feeling like I had learned a valuable lesson, thought wtf it is I have no idea.

To my surprise (and chagrin) Gay Date continued to text me for the next couple weeks. Luckily he was out of town a lot for work and didn't ask me on any other dates except for one, when I was conveniently out of town. After this, he figured out that it wasn't going to work, since he is a smart boy. I only wish he could be confident enough to face his true self, if that is actually the case.