Ultra Part 1

So we left off with me waiting anxiously in our hotel room for AD's arrival. She showed up and we almost immediately hopped in a cab to get to Ultra ASAP. On the way out of the parking lot we spotted two boys who also looked like they may be going to Ultra walking by. We yelled to them to get in our cab so we could split the cost. They ended up to be two Canadians with braces and paid for the ride. Good find. We walked with the masses of people up to the gates and were greeted with one of the longest lines I have ever seen. This was just the start to our weekend of line-waiting. I knew Ultra was going to be packed but I never imagined just how much. While waiting for about a half hour there was plenty of amazing people watching--neon everywhere, tutus, and sunglasses apparently were a requirement. We finally made it in and ran around like chickens with our heads cut off. We drank a beer, were able to see one song of Benny Benassi's then decided to head to the porta-potties before the night got going. Horrifying. Just absolutely terrible. Instead of massive lines like everywhere else it was a giant clusterfuck of people. When a door opened the crowd would push forward, battling against the people who were trying to get out of the clusterfuck. It was a mess and at one point I thought I was going to die. I'm amazed we stuck it out. The only slight positive thing I took away from that experience is the kid in front of us in line guessed that I was 19. Amazing. Luckily after that shithow we were able to see three more solid dj's that night--Royksopp, Trentemoller and Tiesto. I had seen Trentemoller in Hamburg and of course kept texting my two baby friends that I had gone with, being super onboxious. I also had a mystery boyfriend at this set. While dancing (and for the record I am a horrible dancer) I kept feeling a presence behind me. I would turn around and to find a guy behind me but I couldn't tell if he was trying to dance with me or just kept bumping into me. I decided not to look at him just in case, since I didn't really feel like dancing with anybody. This continued for the remainder of the set. When we left to head to Tiesto, I finally turned around. A not-horrible looking guy, giving me a "what up" look. I chuckled, decided to leave it at that and keep walking. AD then informed me that he was dancing super close behind me but not touching me at all and she couldn't stop laughing. We also made a new friend during the Tiesto set. He was from NYC and we exchanged numbers, just in case. After the show let out we found Le Canard and Ginger to see if we could bum a ride home. They were decked out--Le Canard in a lightup gold mask and Ginger in a crazy little outfit and a jester's hat. This was also AD's first time meeting them. She immediately decided that she wanted to try and meet up with her friend (whom we later christened with the name McPoyle) to get some food. I agreed since I was ready to start gnawing my own arm. I hadn't had a thing to eat since the "delicious breakfast" that morning. Trying to get food was an epic failure. Downtown Miami is like a ghost town--the only thing open was a Checkers with a line 50 people deep that was not moving. We gave up and I was soon very, very grumpy. I ended up buying a $6 box of cheez-its from McPoyle's hotel lobby and devoured it sulkily. We went up to their room for some reason and were greeted by roughly 12 guys. McPoyle was apparently in town for a bachelor party. My mood improved. They were absolutely ridiculous--all super Southern and with names to match. A sampling--Tucker, Norris, Sanford (aka Samson). Outrageous. For some reason I happen to think groups of guys are hilarious. This one didn't fail me--offering each other hj's, running around in their underwear making gay jokes. I think I'm really a 15 year old boy at heart. In the middle of all of this AD and I heard a terrible yelling. I assumed it was one of them until we quickly realized it was much more sinister. An angry Cuban guest, screaming at the top of his lungs for them to be quiet. "MY WIFE AND I NEED SLEEP, WE DESERVE TO SLEEP!!" repeated over and over. I immediately ran in the bathroom to hide, in case things got any more out of hand. Luckily they did not. At this point we decided to move things to a bar down the street. Probs the one bar in downtown Miami, and how fitting, an Irish pub (?). About half of us headed there and sat around a table filled with bud lights. McPoyle was immensely focused on AD so I made small talk with the others. The Bachelor also happened to be one of the most attractive men I have ever seen. For entertainment we had Samson--he was for some reason outrageously wasted and wearing a plastic cat's nose on his face. I almost died when at one point he walked up to the bartender and yelled right in her face "PUT MY NOSE ON, DO IT!". A few minutes later he proceeded to fall down, somehow knocking over the bench in the booth behind him. Bachelor and another friend had to escort him out. Upon their return they reported that they couldn't carry him as he was incapable of walking. Bachelor was forced to go back to the hotel and ask for a wheelchair to get him back to the room. Classic. After a few more beers, AD and I grabbed a cab. McPoyle came with us since we had MM's empty cot in the room, and their room was pretty crowded. I was hoping to get a free cab ride for our hospitality but McPoyle didn't catch on. I fell asleep as AD received a text from MM saying that she was just getting to the airport for her 7AM flight. To be continued....